Sarah Porter

Alaska/ Texas

[Netflix @netflix]

The Office is:

a. A great show
b. A ruthless prison that keeps me from ever watching new things
c. All of the above

[Zach @TweetsWithZach]

*Swipes card to pump gas in -10 weather*

Is this a debit card?
Enter zip code
Would you like a car wash?
Would you like a receipt?
Plans for next weekend?
Cats or dogs?
Where'd you get that shirt?
Are you single?

JUST PUMP THE GAS

[Sean Lowe @SeanLowe09]

This is the best thing you’ll watch all day. https://t.co/wtSkfyu77G

[Jace Goodwin @thejacegoodwin]

It's 2039. You live with your beautiful wife and 3 children. It's a Saturday, you have "clean garage" on your to-do list, you find a box titled "memories", you open it.. You find an old water bottle, you blow the dust off of it. It's your hydro flask.. it still has ice in it

[Shmadds @PineappleyMadds]

My mom suggested to my dad that they get an artificial tree this year, and he wasn’t too thrilled 😂😂😂

[Big Papi @Bmangall20]

My coworker told me he got banned from a bar when he lived in North Dakota back in 1973 and didn’t try going back to it for 30 years but he finally did and the moment he stepped in someone yelled “Get the hell out of here Dennis” And that’s probably my favorite story ever

[Sarah Porter @_skporter]

@cocohayes You need a Kevin

[Alex Tumay @alextumay]

Bad news: I accidentally washed a nice wool shirt that I really loved and it shrunk a LOT

Good news:

[Sean Lowe @SeanLowe09]

Making eye contact with your dog before leaving the house & seeing the sadness in their eyes is the worst.

[Sean Lowe @SeanLowe09]

You ever wonder what kind of shoes Jesus would wear if he were here today? I see him as a New Balance guy.

[hat man @greeneggsnSam12]

Owner: *pretends to throw ball*
Dog: *runs after it, comes back*
Owner: *takes ball from behind his back*
Dog:

[hanbit yi 🧶 @hanbityi_58]

6. This is what I'm referencing whenever I say wow https://t.co/ARRU78T7d7

[hanbit yi 🧶 @hanbityi_58]

20. NOOOOO https://t.co/OBmlzLCkSi

[hanbit yi 🧶 @hanbityi_58]

21. Only the coolest can get it https://t.co/YXdDOCh1lJ

[hanbit yi 🧶 @hanbityi_58]

5. FUCK KYLE https://t.co/UvIq0TsT9I

[Because I'm a Guy @CauseWereGuys]

Impress her

[duln🪬🍒⚡️ @dylan_bell3]

Is there honestly any better feelin than hearin ur dogs wee paws tappin off the floor after u shout their name to come see u? A think not

[Sarah Porter @_skporter]

@JellyNolden u https://t.co/mg46lladNx