girth brooks

DBA Dr. Whet Farts / ut is strictum

[girth brooks @_smokinoken]

Ive been really enjoying being back at church BUT WHEN WILL THE OLD WOMEN STOP HITTING ON WAYLON?! A woman well into her 80s walked up to him this morning at church to tell him he’s “very tall and very handsome”
I do love how he has such a calm energy that they feel ok to do this

[girth brooks @_smokinoken]

Me and Sarah James (she’s like 5’9 and I’m 5’2)

[girth brooks @_smokinoken]

Am I just like if Richard kind was a woman?

[girth brooks @_smokinoken]

Should I fly spirit to Austin? I’ve been a Southwest girlie for my life but that frankly is not going to happen in this economy. Thoughts?!

[girth brooks @_smokinoken]

I love Randy Newman

[girth brooks @_smokinoken]

I ain’t asking for much. Just an 8 ball and 2 million dollars.

[girth brooks @_smokinoken]

“I’m a noob in the iMDB scene”

[girth brooks @_smokinoken]

Dr Oz I know that you haven’t practiced medicine to real people for a long time or supported any medicine based in real science; but what plans and support are you planning on putting in to help support your constituents on their journey to better health?

[girth brooks @_smokinoken]

“Mom, can zombies fart?”

[girth brooks @_smokinoken]

“I love that your butts gonna explode when you die”

[girth brooks @_smokinoken]

My boss asked me “can I ask you to do (task)” and my response was “you can ask” brb getting FIRED

[girth brooks @_smokinoken]

My boss may be making a social call to the house tomorrow *im deep cleaning the keurig and erasing every last trace of human life within my household*

[girth brooks @_smokinoken]

I am going fucking hog Wilde on tombstone IMDb this evening there is so much to be learned on that page

[girth brooks @_smokinoken]

Had my soundproof headphones on at the gym today so when I tooted while doing abs with Waylon I ended up yelling it for the gym to hear :)

[girth brooks @_smokinoken]

I do not want to unlock analytics or get verified lol sorry about being broke

[girth brooks @_smokinoken]

I cannot even get my son on the bus without this damn dog disrupting my peace

[girth brooks @_smokinoken]

Tonight I got in my car for an event wearing painful heels and my sweet beautiful man was so coachable that he was able to bring me the jewelry and lip stain that I forgot in the house

[girth brooks @_smokinoken]

Laying awake in the middle of the night HAUNTED by the boomer status that I’ve achieved which is that I keep calling Shopify (we use it at work) SPOTIFY I no lie get called on it once a day

[girth brooks @_smokinoken]

Tonight me and the gang were thinking up names that you could fit glizzy into (glizzy mcguire etc) and I panicked and couldn’t think of anything and came up with glizzanor roosevelt

[girth brooks @_smokinoken]

Just wait until Karoline Leavitt finds out about the marquis de Lafayette