Until you can empathise with a woman on the basis of her humanity, and not her proximity (imagine if that was your mum, sister, daughter etc), you still have work to do.
Being comfortable with being uncomfortable is how you start breaking your people-pleasing habits. The moment you no longer feel bad for feeling bad, you will listen to you when you wanna say NO.
you know that feeling when you see old photos of yourself and you think of how cool or special or beautiful you were? you’re that version of you today to your future self. give yourself the love and hype you deserve today