Sydney Foster

she/her | insta: sydneyfoster_ 🍰

[Sydney Foster @_sydfoster]

Ur wcw works fulltime and can barely keep $500 in her bank acct b/c she spends money like Hugh Hefner is her sugardaddy, it's me, I'm ur wcw

[uncle ric @ihatethiskid]

I have decided to find love this year just to prove to you all how easy it is

[Kendall Pennington @Kenny___Rose]

the hottest people of our time are wasting away in careers in medical device sales

[dot :3 @pookielester]

trump: I’m making the hunger games real

obama: i enjoyed this song about lesbian sex this year

[agent bubblegum @kaitduffy]

Day in the life of a NYC finance bro:
- wake up at 7am thinking it’s “early”
- text “gm” to 25 girls (never actually met any of them)
- catch up on 10+ group chats
- hit up the gym 8-9am
- roll into the office at 9:30-10
- tell 5 interns to make *one* power point
- send 5 emails (max 6)
- ignore the 25 girls so they think you’re “busy”
- tweet something vague about WalMart “multiples” to sound smart
- hit up the local slop bowl center for a $25 lunch
- roll back into the office
- 1-2 more Emails
- text “sorry I was really busy today” to 25 girls
- go home and tweet racist takes from a burner with 300 followers calling girls fat
- swipe hinge for 3 hours and post a screen shot for clout
- quick parlay / jerk off
- sleep

[🦢 @meishato]

every morning i wake up and make the worst possible time management decisions anyone has ever made

[issy @halkiasupdates]

been thinking about this tweet while driving around my hometown a lot lately

[♰ @reeceollld]

starting tomorrow im going on strict budget w myself bc clearly i’ve lost my mother fucking mind

[Sydney Foster @_sydfoster]

If you ever wanna give yourself the ick for a man just look at his follow list on Instagram

[miri @eggoslug]

texting people back is hard as fuck I really do think ur cool I just can’t right now man

[Sydney Foster @_sydfoster]

Dream life fr

[m. stanfield @resetbasis]

If you’re fat and stressed, allow me to share a helpful schedule I’ve learned about in Paris.

8am: wake
8:02: cigarette
8:05: fresh croissant
8:15: double espresso. 2nd and 3rd cigarettes
9-9:30: work
9:30-10: cigarettes 4&5
10-11:30: work
11:30-2pm: lunch of cheese, ham, different cheese, cigarettes 6 thru 9, wine, small dessert
2-3: work
3-3:45: cigarettes 10&11, double espresso, small bit of bread
3:45-4:30: work
4:30-11: walk 6 miles to meet friends, dinner of steak, fries, a bottle of wine, cigarettes 12 thru 18, dessert cheese, and then walk 6 miles home.

It takes discipline, but you too could change your life with a little effort.

[A. @notoriousaali]

GIRL, SIMMER DOWN. THIS AINT THE END. U GOT THROUGH EVERYTHING U DIDN'T THINK U WERE STRONG ENOUGH FOR. U GON GET THROUGH THIS.

[angel @angelmoding]

Just rawdogged a 10 minute drive:

NO Twitter
NO Netflix
NO drinking
NO antagonizing other drivers
NO cigarettes
NO Wordle
NO autofellacio

[Gu @eroticacid]

a lot of witches are wholesome nerds and a lot of religious people are soulless hypocrites

[໊ @sonohoor]

deep rooted respect for women who openly get mad and are okay with being perceived as bitchy

[Ben Cohen @YoBenCohen]

After 47 years, Jerry has made the difficult decision to step down from the company we built together. I’m sharing his words as he resigns from Ben & Jerry’s. His legacy deserves to be true to our values, not silenced by @MagnumGlobal #FreeBenAndJerrys

[Soleil @soleiljolina]

I am simultaneously my family’s black sheep and the gold star, that’s exactly why I am the way I am

[land of the free, home of Kolleen CH @KolleenCarney]

Wonder what all those kids killed in their classrooms could have been

[swiss bae 🇨🇩 @thekonyjen]

why’s everyone on instagram acting like THAT

[bonita lo thee oracle @TheDivineBruxa]

no ifs no buts no maybes