Syd

[Syd @_sydrene_]

Will you please put this on my tombstone when I die https://t.co/I2E6Ghtxqk

[Oriana Nichelle @OrianaNichelle]

me staring at the pickle on your plate wondering if I could have it

[‏ؘ @helllojojo]

me when a random monthly subscription that i forgot about charges me but i was gonna use that money to buy myself a sweet little treat

[Zach W. Lambert @ZachWLambert]

Elephants are born weighing 250 lbs.

They are the biggest babies on earth except for the people mad at Taylor Swift for being excited at a football game.

[one dozen rats at a keyboard @PanasonicDX4500]

this is like when the velociraptors tested the fence in jurassic park. he knows he can break containment now.

[Matt Laine @DaFiretruck]

Taylor Swift watching the drunkest humans she’s ever seen jumping through flaming tables in Buffalo next week

[Jody @jodybaker80]

Football games aren't even enjoyable anymore.

(Am I doing this right?)

[HARD FACTOR @HardFactorNews]

Andy Reid Tonight

[Adam Best @Arrowhead_Adam]

Your average Chiefs fan rolling into Arrowhead tonight with a BAC of 0.25

[☔ @Whotfismick]

nobody:

me waking up annoyed asf for no reason:

[mia @_demiaa]

i wish they sold off-brand cars ill get me a damn Honder

[michaela okland @MichaelaOkla]

Lying down. What a treat. What a gorgeous thing it is to lie down.

[Tony Hawk @tonyhawk]

Trolls: “Are you the real Tony Hawk?”
me: yes, last I checked
Twitter: check again

[Podcasts on Amazon Music @PlayMorePods]

returning to my reality after a true crime binge

[Whataburger® @Whataburger]

We know you didn’t ask but we’re team Selena

[petfinder names @petfindernames]

he really do

[Blake @FrostedBlakes34]

Chiefs fans seeing Patrick Mahomes limping again

[PrizePicks @PrizePicks]

Brett Maher on the sidelines