Bl1tz🖌️

Part-time menace

[Bl1tz🖌️ @_taekage_]

Oh wow, another day of me not using y = mx + b surprise, surprise

[Bl1tz🖌️ @_taekage_]

@ifeelstupid_ No

[Bl1tz🖌️ @_taekage_]

@LakersBetter Gang you one of the niggas raging 😭😭

[NOBUNAGA🇯🇵🏯_夏樹蒼依 @japan_nobunaga]

I needed to move a sofa.

I mentioned this to an American. He said, "You know anybody with a truck?"

I did not know anybody with a truck.

He looked at me with real concern. Not pity. Concern. The way you look at a man who has told you he does not have a name.

"You gotta know somebody with a truck."

I asked how one acquires such a person.

He said, "You just do."

This is the third time I have received that answer in this country. It is the answer to everything here. You just do. There is no process. There is only the eventual fact of having.

He said, "Ask Kevin."

I do not know a Kevin. He said Kevin like I should. He said it the way you say a shared uncle.

I met Kevin four days later. Kevin owns a truck. Kevin does not own a truck for himself. Nobody owns a truck for themselves. Kevin owns a truck for a fifteen mile radius.

Inside I said: THIS MAN HAS TAKEN A VOW. HE DID NOT ANNOUNCE IT. HE SIMPLY PURCHASED A BED AND ACCEPTED THE CONSEQUENCES.

Kevin arrived on Saturday. He brought the truck. He also brought a second man.

I had not asked for a second man.

The second man's name is Tony. Tony came because Kevin came. Tony did not know me. Tony did not ask what we were moving. Tony brought gloves.

They moved the sofa in eleven minutes.

I offered them money. Both of them laughed at the same time, which felt rehearsed and was not.

I asked what I owed them.

Kevin said, "Buy the pizza."

That is the price. That is the entire economy. The truck costs one pizza and the pizza is not negotiable and the pizza is also not expensive and everyone knows what size.

Inside I said: THE FEE IS FIXED ACROSS THE ENTIRE NATION AND WAS SET BY NO ONE.

We ate on the floor because the sofa was against the wall and none of us wanted to be the first to sit on it.

Tony told me his daughter plays soccer. I asked if she is good. He said, "She's aggressive."

I still think about that.

Three weeks later, Kevin texted me.

"You free Sunday? Helping Tony move a fridge."

He did not ask if I wanted to. He informed me of a fridge.

Inside I said: I HAVE BEEN CALLED UP. I DID NOT ENLIST. THE PAPERS WERE FILED ON MY BEHALF.

I went. I moved the fridge. I have no truck. I contributed only arms.

Afterward, a man I had never met asked me if I knew anybody with a truck.

I said, "Yeah, I got a guy."

I have a guy.

I am somebody's guy now, too. Tony has told two people about me.

He describes me as "the guy who's strong for his size."

I have never been prouder of a sentence in my life.

[BASED SAVAGE @crackcobain__]

I being sleeping good as hell knowing Chud still in jail

[mrscantbefuckedwith😮‍💨 @aintnunbetter]

Dear men…stop putting in effort if you ain’t getting none in return!

[Flash @Flashyasf]

i love a bitch that just suck it without you having to ask🥹

[Bl1tz🖌️ @_taekage_]

@NOPussBoys_ Couple months before I moved outta my first apartment these mfs came and TOOK THE OVERHEAD FAN with lights and replaced it with just lights. Knew I had to leave

[☔ @Whotfismick]

when you finally start making some good money but the cost of living goes up 5x

[randy @tappedinnn]

I stopped smoking for about 3 months and literally nothing got better. Gonna cop a 3.5 tomorrow

[۟ @ragingxngxl]

People find out you killed one (1) person and they start acting all nervous around you…

[autist @litteralyme0]

started using my own money and realised my mum was right, we do have food at home

[COOLEE BRAVO @ItalianFiesta]

On life im over here hatin. Niggas got 3 nights of Jay,a championship and a mayor dat act like a superhero.

[Bl1tz🖌️ @_taekage_]

Using this as an excuse to post my butter chicken

[TOM JOHN 🥤🪼 @ifeelstupid_]

i had butter chicken for the first time this weekend. them got damn indians might kno sumn

[Kabrutus @kabrutusdeid]

This is the real reason Sony wants to destroy physical media.

Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

[ganii @gahhnie]

the chinese are puffing shit i couldnt even fathom

[Wav: Gawd Of SideQuests 💮🛡️ @wavgawd]

I just looked at my homegirls and fucking SIGHED

[Hassan Mafi ‏ @thatdayin1992]

Americans realizing the president of the US is so corrupt that he openly admits he and his family are making money with insider trading

[Bl1tz🖌️ @_taekage_]

@sethmpk The word you’re looking for is “blazing”

[Richkhid @Richkhid132]

i love my dick sucked. don’t ask. just take my balls out and put it in your mouth.

[bawonki @Balarkeuwu]

this is gayer than fucking a dude