โI canโt watch Ronan die, Blue. And Adam โ and Matthew โ and all this? We donโt have anything else. You already ๐ด๐ข๐ธ my spirit. You already know what we chose!โ
Blue closed her eyes, and two tears ran out of them.
Every day, thousands of confessions are kept from their would-be confessors, none of these people knowing that their never-admitted secrets all boil down to the same three words: ๐ ๐ข๐ฎ ๐ข๐ง๐ณ๐ข๐ช๐ฅ.
It was just that there was something newly powerful about this assembled family in this car. They were all growing up and into each other like trees striving together for the sun.
โI take it weโre friends now,โ Henry said.
โWe must be,โ Gansey replied. โJane says it should be so.โ
โIt should be so,โ Blue agreed.
In that formless place, he found himself intensely grateful for Ronan and Adam waiting outside for him, for Blue and her family, for Noah and for Malory. He was so grateful to have found all of them, finally.
The deeper Adam moved through the music and the white-ringed dark, the closer he got to some sort of hidden truth about Ronan. It was hidden in things Adam already knew, half-glimpsed behind a forest made of thoughts.
Adam laughed out loud at that, and she discovered that she was starting to really like this laugh that burst out of him and seemed to surprise him every time.
In this other place, it was easy to tell that the music was the sound of Ronanโs soul. Hungry and prayerful, it whispered of dark places, old places, fire and sex.
Gansey had a pure, logicless moment where his stomach dropped and he thought, ๐ ๐ฅ๐ฐ๐ฏโ๐ต ๐ฌ๐ฏ๐ฐ๐ธ ๐ธ๐ฉ๐ฐ ๐ข๐ฏ๐บ ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ฎ๐บ ๐ง๐ณ๐ช๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ฅ๐ด ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ข๐ญ๐ญ๐บ ๐ข๐ณ๐ฆ. Then reason filtered back in.
Adam looked up at Ronan. โI know it was you,โ he said. โI figured it out. The rent.โ
He held Ronanโs gaze for just a moment longer, until something inside Ronan unwound and he almost said something.
โLynch,โ Gansey said. โWeโre gone.โ
โThatโs right,โ Kavinsky called after Ronan. โCall your dog!โ
He said it like either Ronan or Gansey should be offended by it.