Umut

[Hoc AM @inidreamtheater]

Your mobile phone has more computing power than all of NASA in 1969. NASA launched a man to the moon. We launch a bird into pigs.

[John Dahlback @john_dahlback]

Ok....the flight attendent sang a goodnight song for everyone onboard...superweird

[funny humour @funnyhumour]

My football team is sponsored by Apple. So now there is an 'I' in team.

[GearboxOfficial @GearboxOfficial]

We're almost at 20K followers, so how's about a quick swag giveaway? RT to enter, we'll pick random winners in a bit!

[Udo Vetter @udovetter]

Du weißt, dein Mandant sagt die Wahrheit, wenn er entschieden dementiert, "Recovery von der Gruppe Eminem" heruntergeladen zu haben.

[funny humour @funnyhumour]

I was checking this girl out when she said,Stop looking at my tits,u pervert"I said,This is your 1st night working in a strip club,isnt it?

[🎹AlbinMyers🎹 @AlbinMyers]

Morning! Time 4 some unts unts unts!

[Tim Martin @timmartin2]

I saw a book entitled "Die GNU Autotools" and I thought "My feelings exactly". Turns out the book was in German.

[Umut @_umut]

Gerade im Baumarkt: "Die Glastür ist doch schön!"
-"Ne, ey, nich sowas! Ich will nicht, dass jeder Motherfucker in die Bude glotzt!"

[Umut @_umut]

@Giibuu was ist passiert? So klein klingt das ja nicht...

[funny humour @funnyhumour]

The Theory of Relativity: Time moves more slowly when you are with your relatives.

[funny humour @funnyhumour]

Don't you hate it when your Mum and Santa have the same wrapping paper.

[WIRED @WIRED]

The CIA has named the WikiLeaks task force WTF. Seriously. http://bit.ly/fbld9M by @guardiannews

[funny humour @funnyhumour]

RT @funnyoneliners: Mirrors should come with Photoshop preinstalled. RT @VesselDoc

[funny humour @funnyhumour]

My father brought me up singled handedly.

It's not easy being the son of a pirate.

[funny humour @funnyhumour]

I got my own back for xmas shopping.I took my girl into 8 different pubs without a drink,then went back into the 1st one and bought a pint

[funny humour @funnyhumour]

I wrapped batteries for a Christmas gift to my little cousin and wrote a note saying "TOY NOT INCLUDED"

[Peter Chao @Pyrobooby]

Christmas is time for giving. Hope Jim Carrey does not dress up as evil green Jew man and steal my gift this year. http://twitpic.com/3ga61x

[funny humour @funnyhumour]

I haven't been to work in four days. I've almost forgotten how to play solitaire and minesweeper.

[funny humour @funnyhumour]

I was drinking in the pub last night, so I ended up taking a bus home.

That may not be a big deal to you,but I've never driven a bus before