Bryce N

bad swimmer. good time.

[Bryce N @_vanillabryce]

When Hannah Montana slips and falls do you think she says
Woah
or
🎶woaahhhohhohhhOHHHHHohh🎵

[Bryce N @_vanillabryce]

The other day a guy hacked my phone apps & made a bunch of purchases. It sucked! But then he paid off all my bills. Then he requested a credit increase (I didn’t even know you could do that)! My credit score has never been better! I might be able to get a home loan bc of this guy

[Bryce N @_vanillabryce]

me: is there someone in the room with us?
*moving the planchette*
Y
A
H
O
O
O
O
O
me: oh my god - it’s a Luigi board

[Bryce N @_vanillabryce]

Some rapper needs to sample the arpeggio sound on iPhone. My alarm went off and I was late to work by two hours. No snooze, I was just vibing

[Bryce N @_vanillabryce]

It’s outrageous they haven’t already shot, cut, and released seasons 3 through 5 of The Pitt

[Bryce N @_vanillabryce]

@thebiggestyee @JimGaffigan just said this on @ThisPastWeeknd as well!

[Bryce N @_vanillabryce]

After I got my nose surgery I couldn't smell anything for weeks so one day when I went for a run and realized I could smell my own BO it felt like when one of those deaf babies gets hearing aids for the first time and can finally hear their mother's voice. Beautiful moment really

[Bryce N @_vanillabryce]

Have you ever gotten lost while trying to leave a building and been like "that's it I'm pulling the fire alarm, someone's got to know how to get out of here"

[Bryce N @_vanillabryce]

Bakeries in college towns are the best because they always have some BS name like The Sweet Spot or The Sugar Sisters & they make some sugar free dairy free gluten free carrot cake and somehow it's always surprisingly great, especially because you expect it to taste like a brick

[Bryce N @_vanillabryce]

Just held a power pose for 10 minutes and random strangers started bowing. I'm unstoppable

[Bryce N @_vanillabryce]

In this world you either Hey There Delilah or Delilah Hey Theres you

[Bryce N @_vanillabryce]

@slimthicccens 😂 yeah I get how that sounds but "ski resort" is a bit of a stretch for a $10 tubing trip down Clark County WI's Bruce Mound

[Bryce N @_vanillabryce]

A gym client told me her celebrity crush is Steve-O. What am I gonna hear next, her favorite food is the gum from under a desk chair?

[Bryce N @_vanillabryce]

You remember in 2nd grade when you went tubing & you got that little ski lift tag for your jacket? & you kept it on the zipper all year? Probs the douchiest flex for an 8 year old but don't tell me you didn't wear that like it was it was the gold from the winter Olympics

[Bryce N @_vanillabryce]

George Ezra looks like every 16-20 yr old Mennonite boy hanging out with his bike on Saturday night outside a Clark County gas station about to rip some cigs and pound some Busch Light and throw a bunch of McDonald’s trash in a gravel road ditch. Just livin’ man

[Bryce N @_vanillabryce]

A movie called No Strings Attached but instead of Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman having a friends with benefits situation it’s 140 minutes of window cleaners falling

[Bryce N @_vanillabryce]

Becoming an adult is paying for a car wash with your own money

[Davante Adams @tae15adams]

Votes count as double today!! #ProBowlVote + @tae15adams RETWEET this mf like you aint never retweeted before if u love One7‼️ Preciate you 👊🏾

[Bryce N @_vanillabryce]

@TheJoshElkin @UberEats I should call her