Jordan Pierce

I'm a writer. Follow me to receive zero tips about writing every week and make no money.

[Jordan Pierce @_wordmachine]

@foxmuldyke You met me at a very Starmer point in my life...

[Jordan Pierce @_wordmachine]

@regularaugust Never ask a Christian larper the last time they read the Bible.

[Jordan Pierce @_wordmachine]

@cavempty_ I need to find a singles' bar exclusively for people who are afraid of eye contact.

[Jordan Pierce @_wordmachine]

@brainrotpostig That's because GD players access a higher level of the human spirit, even more powerful than the protective rage of a mother.

[Jordan Pierce @_wordmachine]

@beastiewree @ny4nkuu Hate to break it to you, the show is 20 years old this year.

[Jordan Pierce @_wordmachine]

Would New Yorkers rather have:

100 trillion dollars

OR

Ability to teleport between the 14th St 1/2/3 and L/F/M platforms twice per day

[Jordan Pierce @_wordmachine]

I'm looking into buying 500k bots. Not the internet kind. The kind that Samurai Jack fights in the acclaimed Genndy Tartakovsky cartoon, Samurai Jack. I need them for personal protection.

[Jordan Pierce @_wordmachine]

They should invent a kind of whiskey that you can enjoy at any time, not just on rainy nights at a table by the bay window with a small lamp and a revolver.

[tendollar @tendollardanny]

is it okay to reach out to people? that’s not okay right?

[Jordan Pierce @_wordmachine]

@34rths Nice pfp bro...

[Jordan Pierce @_wordmachine]

@SkinnyTuna Yes, as a teenager he was probably the most famous and feverish Runescape player in the world. After he started uploading YouTube videos around 2006, people kept hacking his account, including his classmates, for which he stabbed them.

[Jordan Pierce @_wordmachine]

@SkinnyTuna Has an estranged wife and child and is seemingly constantly in volatile/abusive relationships. Holds a wide array of entertaining and disturbing schizo opinions, which in essence can be summed up "the way that five-year-olds see the world is correct".

[Jordan Pierce @_wordmachine]

@SkinnyTuna This guy's life is genuinely unbelievable. He should have attained Chris Chan-level lolcow status years ago.

One-time top Runescape player, multiple hospitalizations, grifts from his followers as a digital nomad.

[Jordan Pierce @_wordmachine]

デススペルオメガ好きです！！

[Jordan Pierce @_wordmachine]

@CallionMonica Coin brothers

[Jordan Pierce @_wordmachine]

Lines from the Amtrak employees in the cafe car:

"You never, NEVER put nail polish on a man. Never."

"Melania's from the same part of the world as I am."
-"Are you also a hooker?"

"What's a manga series?"

"I'm saying C-3PO gets gayer with each movie."

[Jordan Pierce @_wordmachine]

@labubumoney That's no way to talk to your grandmother.

[Jordan Pierce @_wordmachine]

@yunghegelian_ Saying "nice wheelchair" to a wheelchair.

[Jordan Pierce @_wordmachine]

You don't have to start learning that language yet. At age 27 they give you a points voucher that you can spend on instant language acquisition. You have time.

[Jordan Pierce @_wordmachine]

@parwazer Just wanted to say I'm a Seattle-NY transplant and this post found me.