alexa.

[Ari🪷 @arikoyarii]

making out with someone you've been craving for so long while your hands are roaming all over their body and all you can do is breathlessly whine as they repeat "i need you" is top tier

[𝕭𝖊𝖓𝖓𝖎𝖊✨ @Bennieeexyz]

Jury duty letter came addressed to my cat.

Not a mistake. "Felix Martinez" - that's his full name according to his vet records.

My last name. His first name. Somehow he's a registered voter now.

Called the county clerk.

Me: My cat got summoned for jury duty.

Clerk: Is the name correct on the summons?

Me: Yes, but he's a cat.

Clerk: Is Felix Martinez a legal resident of this county?

Me: He's a legal cat.

Clerk: Sir, if the name matches our records, he needs to appear or file an exemption.

Me: He can't file anything. He has paws.

Clerk: You can file on his behalf.

Me: Under what exemption? There's no box for "is a cat."

Clerk: (pause) Check "unable to serve due to medical reasons."

Me: What's the medical reason?

Clerk: He's a cat.

Me: That's not a medical condition.

Clerk: It is if it prevents him from serving.

Sent in the form. Got rejected two weeks later.

"Insufficient documentation. Please provide medical professional's statement."

Took the letter to my vet.

Me: I need you to write that my cat can't do jury duty.

Vet: Why is your cat summoned for jury duty?

Me: Excellent question. No good answer.

Vet: This is the weirdest request I've gotten.

Me: Can you just write that he's medically unfit to serve?

Vet: On what grounds?

Me: He's a cat.

Vet: (started typing) "Patient is unable to serve due to species-related limitations including inability to speak, read, or comprehend legal proceedings."

Me: Perfect.

Sent it in. Got another rejection.

"Summons is mandatory. Failure to appear will result in contempt of court."

My roommate thought this was hilarious.

Roommate: Felix is going to jail.

Me: This is serious.

Roommate: Bring him to court. See what happens.

Decided that was actually the only option left.

Day of jury duty, put Felix in his carrier. Brought the entire paper trail of rejection letters.

Checked in at the courthouse.

Clerk: Name?

Me: Felix Martinez.

Clerk: (looked at the cat carrier) Is that Felix?

Me: Yes.

Clerk: (long stare) He's a cat.

Me: I've been saying that for six weeks.

Clerk: Why didn't you file an exemption?

Me: I filed three. All rejected.

Showed her the letters. She read through them, expression shifting from confusion to disbelief.

Clerk: Someone rejected the veterinary documentation?

Me: Twice.

Clerk: (called her supervisor over) You need to see this.

Supervisor read everything. Looked at Felix. Looked at me.

Supervisor: How did a cat get registered to vote?

Me: You tell me.

Supervisor: This is a data error.

Me: Took you six weeks to figure that out.

They dismissed Felix immediately. Apologized for the inconvenience.

Supervisor: We'll remove him from the voter registry.

Me: Appreciate it.

Supervisor: (pause) Out of curiosity, how would he have voted?

Me: Probably whatever party supports universal treats.

Got a formal apology letter a week later and a voter registration card.

For me this time. Apparently I wasn't registered, but my cat was.

Roommate: Felix committed voter fraud.

Me: Felix committed nothing. He's innocent.

Roommate: That's what they all say.

Felix is sleeping on the jury summons now.

Fitting end to his legal career.

[Ari🪷 @arikoyarii]

remember if we ever run out of things to talk about we can always start kissing

[Fav ⛧ @Favwontmiss]

YOU KNOW WHAT KEEPS EVERYONE COOLER IN THE SUMMER? TREES, YOU IDIOTS. GIVE US BACK OUR TREES BACK.

[feelings ღ @eternaltxts]

YEAH SEX IS COOL BUT HAVE YOU EVER HAD SOMEBODY GIVE YOU A BUNCH OF LITTLE KISSES ALL OVER YOUR FACE UNTIL YOU'RE GIGGLING AND BLUSHING BECAUSE THAT IS PEAK

[َ @gffyoq]

the intimacy of being silly together.

[♡⃝ @wine_x13]

I lost it when the grandma from Encanto was forgiven like nothing happened after having created generational trauma for every single one of his children and grandchildren and DISOWNING HER SON for being different just to then hug him like he hadn't been living ISOLATED AND LIKE A RAT HIS WHOLE LIFE because of her.

No, everything is not magically okay with a hug. BAD thing to teach kids.

[𝑝𝑢𝑟𝑒 @purelivn]

someone ordered the moon

[Cee☆ @ceelasylviaa]

a love story 🌺❤️

[Captain Ⓐncapistan @CptAncapistan]

This is why arguing with people online is such a pain in the ass.

[hani @crucifynisis]

match my freak match my yearn match my undying devotion

[Ari🪷 @arikoyarii]

dating someone who naturally brings out your childlike playfulness, makes you laugh, never stops flirting with you, and loves you a little extra on your bad days >>>

[َ @gffyoq]

i really wanna fall asleep in your arms while we watch a movie and cuddle.

[ᅠ @artindetails]

golden hour light that looks like a watercolor painting

[Video Game Nostalgia @GameStalgiaX]

I miss when games rewarded you for playing them.

Not logging in daily.
Not buying a pass.
Not checking a store.
Not grinding fake chores.

Actually playing.

Unlocking characters.
Finding secrets.
Beating challenges.
Getting new costumes.
Opening bonus modes.
Discovering cheat codes.
Earning the cool stuff.

That feeling was different.

[COCO @TWOTIMESABITCH]

i once heard someone say “if there are 12 Nazis in a room and they ask you to have dinner with them and you agree, then there are 13 Nazis in that room” and i think a lot of people fundamentally don’t understand that. but it’s 100% true.

[Freyy @Freyy_is]

i need a book written entirely from the villain’s point of view… except you don’t realize they’re the villain until the last few chapters.

[ᴀʟᴇᴄ 🍃 @alecsbutt]

SpongeBob crashing out over Eels and Escalators will never not be funny

[Veridome @Veridome_]

sex is cool, but have you ever watched someone's face light up just because they saw you?

[Miilato @miiilato]

how it feels to be extremely self-aware of what you're doing and yet still keep repeating the same self-destructive patterns