Andrew

Cousins with Mike Trout, but not the one you're thinking of.

[Andrew @a_trout]

Leaving for the Other Place!

[Andrew @a_trout]

@lafix I would like it!

[Andrew @a_trout]

@TheMoistBandit Sorry about adding/dropping the same three guys so often.

[Andrew @a_trout]

Me when I see @TheMoistBandit has reactivated my very bad auction dynasty team.

[Andrew @a_trout]

@LH259 I wasn’t kidding

[Andrew @a_trout]

New adventures in hotel rooms:

Given a room that had not been cleaned, and in fact still had someone’s possessions in it!

We were given a free bag of salty snacks though, so that totally makes up for things.

[Andrew @a_trout]

@ClueHeywood @DMPAzzurri Why don’t you just drink in your hotel room by yourself like a normal degenerate?

[Andrew @a_trout]

Important Child Development Milestone:

My child now says "toot-toot!" after farting in your face.

[Andrew @a_trout]

My child went potty in the bathroom!

“Oh, wow! They went on the toilet and every—“

Nope.

“Oh. So they—“

Yup.

[Andrew @a_trout]

@actioncookbook I just saw the cameo.

[Andrew @a_trout]

@georgiaisaverb They signed for the loans, they need to be responsible for their actions like the rest of us are!

[Andrew @a_trout]

@edsbs Kids are just gonna piss in that pool, too. It'll be yellow by the end of the first day.

[Andrew @a_trout]

@lt_winslow Michael Douglas?

[Andrew @a_trout]

@actioncookbook I think one year July 4th fell on a Wednesday. I went back to work on Thursday and just started off into space for a few minutes, thinking "Well this is just stupid."

[Andrew @a_trout]

@TheMoistBandit Free market capitalism is just the best!

[Andrew @a_trout]

A prescription for my child was recalled because the original manufacturer was acquired and the new parent company wants to re-brand the medication.

Fucking incredible.

[Andrew @a_trout]

Nurses: We’ll take excellent care of your child!

[crashes cart into sink while wheeling said child out of the room]

[Andrew @a_trout]

The Dad looked like he'd been in combat for 300 straight days while getting back into the car. His day was shot and it was just after 8:00 am.

[Andrew @a_trout]

At daycare drop off, another kid was having an absolute meltdown. Inconsolable crying, hysterics, the whole works. Why? Because they had to ride on the right side of the car instead of the left side.