(((Aaron)))

Wish I made butter puns.

[(((Aaron))) @aarons_tweets]

@LesserOf2Equals 😵

[(((Aaron))) @aarons_tweets]

Can which ever planet is currently in retrograde find itself back into grade, please?

[(((Aaron))) @aarons_tweets]

*opens Twitter

Me: Actually are they still open?

[(((Aaron))) @aarons_tweets]

Let’s (Not) Goooo!

[(((Aaron))) @aarons_tweets]

No I want to go out tonight. It’s just I bought a cabbage on Tuesday so I need to make coleslaw. It’s like now or never, ya know? Rain check!

[steph @steph_mcca]

me and the boys are shotgunning beers to Fade Into You by mazzy star

[(((Aaron))) @aarons_tweets]

Texting is so embarrassing, like: Hi. It’s your friend of many years. Just wanted to say hi, if that’s ok.

[(((Aaron))) @aarons_tweets]

Is it the Starbucks Cold Brew or is it a panic attack?

[(((Aaron))) @aarons_tweets]

There’s something very patriotic about wasting time on clunky IG vs the sleeker but imported TikTok.

[(((Aaron))) @aarons_tweets]

REI dividends are here! Who wants some socks?

[(((Aaron))) @aarons_tweets]

No, the problem is the algorithm. Definitely couldn’t be me.

[(((Aaron))) @aarons_tweets]

My tweets are like an iceberg. The ones you see don’t compare in size to the ones I say in passing followed by, “that’d be a good tweet.”

[(((Aaron))) @aarons_tweets]

Yes, I know I should be following Jennifer Coolidge. But I’ll just stick to the friends I made from every improv team I’ve ever been on. Thanks!

[Michelle Shaughnessy @Michellesfunny]

If you’re not listening to Flowers by Miley Cyrus on repeat, what’s it like to be in a healthy mental space?

[(((Aaron))) @aarons_tweets]

First real earthquake in LA! Felt kinda nervous for my first time but it was over before I knew it.

[Eden Dranger @Eden_Eats]

Friendly reminder to make sure you’re in the “Following ” instead of the “For You”.

[(((Aaron))) @aarons_tweets]

Dude at the airport tech store tried to sell me an Apple adapter w/o packaging. Umm Apple does not do loosies.

[(((Aaron))) @aarons_tweets]

My drug of choice: nostalgia. No better way to mask present woes than bouncing to TRL’s Top 10 of 1999. No duh!

[(((Aaron))) @aarons_tweets]

Taking a screen time break and going to read* instead.

*Watch Law & Order reruns on TV

[(((Aaron))) @aarons_tweets]

Terry Gross be like: “First, a journalist explains how the bad thing is worse. After, our TV critic reviews the new Netflix docu-series about teaching pandas foreplay. This is Fresh Air.”