Bob Urtham

This is merely a collection of all the dumbest shiz i can think of. Where it all started

[Bob Urtham @aaschlessman]

Please, go get yourself some spaghetti.

[Bob Urtham @aaschlessman]

Everyone talks about the dark side of the moon but nobody talks about the dark side of the sun

[Bob Urtham @aaschlessman]

Mastering circular breathing so i can finally live up to the nickname “the human air compressor”

[Bob Urtham @aaschlessman]

Make 5 an honorary even number?

[Bob Urtham @aaschlessman]

“His names not Dan?!” -@myers1029

[Bob Urtham @aaschlessman]

Got the vaccine and now whenever I sneeze i sound like Richard Nixon when he is angry. Coincidence?

[Bob Urtham @aaschlessman]

Its sad bop Sunday. Time to dance.

[Bob Urtham @aaschlessman]

Squeezin amygdala like a hog for a little extra kick every monday

[Bob Urtham @aaschlessman]

“Congrats. You’ve made a machine, it doesn’t want to do anything.” -@yshchhn

[Bob Urtham @aaschlessman]

What? No. I’m not “laying in bed all day”. I’m simply maintaining my 4th dimensional posture, okay?

[Charley Roy Urameshi @Raiuchi_Kaiser]

COLOURED PHOTOS BC THIS SHIT WASN'T THAT FUCKING LONG AGO.

[Bob Urtham @aaschlessman]

There are 50 ft meat tubes that verticalize their sales force when the markets down

[Bob Urtham @aaschlessman]

Its finally gotten to the point where its so easy to bully people for liking those terrorist groups that I won’t even have to think about it

[Bob Urtham @aaschlessman]

My favorite yoga pose: the downward stonk

[Bob Urtham @aaschlessman]

Sirens be like “Happy New Year, oh and its the first so....” *Haunting Screams*

[Bob Urtham @aaschlessman]

Why can’t my body take care of itself when I’m asleep. I wake up and it feels like im a fast food worker when everyone else called off.

[Bob Urtham @aaschlessman]

“Pumpkin is a vegetable so I get my vegetables for the year”

[Bob Urtham @aaschlessman]

Some say sunroof, intellectuals say dog accessibility flap

[Bob Urtham @aaschlessman]

Nothing gets the dopamine receptors firing like talking to a toad and getting a shiny gold star