Trauma survivors can be really touchy about feeling controlled. Our nervous system goes on HIGH alert when we sniff out we're being even subtly manipulated or coerced.
Maybe that's not that weird, given what we've been through-- or given all the subtle coercion out there.
Who are we if our lives AREN'T being secretly run by depression, trauma, or addiction? Do we even know?
Might sound silly, but that's a HUGE, scary question that a LOT of us face in recovery-- & often have NO idea how to answer.
Easy does it. We find out-- one day at a time.
It can be exhausting, constantly having to distinguish between what's real & what is a depression distortion, trauma response, or addiction rationalization.
It DOES gets easier w/ practice, but I hear you: recovery can feel like running a marathon every day. That's real.