Abby Kling

*sound effects included* I accept both ways but I prefer my puns intended

[Abby Kling @Abby_233]

The CDC recommends you let your car’s extended warranty expire

[Abby Kling @Abby_233]

Anyone else looking forward to 13-creative-ways-to-repurpose-your-unneeded-face-masks videos coming out as a sign the pandemic has subsided?

[Lecrae @lecrae]

Check on your “strong” friends.

[Abby Kling @Abby_233]

This will be me as a grandma

[Ben Conarck @conarck]

My 89 y/o grandmother, who is isolated at home in CT, just told me she reads the replies to my tweets and then investigates the profiles of people who leave rude replies. So don’t be mean to me or my grandma will judge you.

[Abby Kling @Abby_233]

@kayhhall is your 3D printer working?

[John Crist @johnbcrist]

We out here living in 3019

[Abby Kling @Abby_233]

And people wonder why I want a dog

[The Onion @TheOnion]

NASA Acquires Moon For Kennedy Space Center Exhibit https://t.co/KJ5aDxR8QY

[Bold American @boldamericanpod]

Civilians: “I wonder what they talk about when they fly. Probably dog fighting tactics or something.”

Pilots:

[Abby Kling @Abby_233]

Pro tip: schedule your wisdom teeth surgery the week @Publix has ice cream, yogurt and frozen fruit for smoothies on sale

[Ronnie Parrott @ronniep]

Imagine what might happen if men loved the gospel as much as they love sports.

If they memorized scripture like they memorized stats.

If they worshipped like they cheered.

If they attended church like they attend games.

If they spoke of Jesus like they speak of their team.

[Abby Kling @Abby_233]

Hey @TheBabylonBee, do you have an article on how to tell if a dream is prophetic or not?

[Abby Kling @Abby_233]

Note to self: proximity to Chick-fil-A should be high on the priority list when deciding where to live

[Abby Kling @Abby_233]

Who decided to call it being a mailman instead of being a post officer?

[BuzzFeed @BuzzFeed]

Small Pockets In Women's Jeans Are The Work Of The Devil And You Can't Convince Me Otherwise https://t.co/BeeZ8dQdHr

[Abby Kling @Abby_233]

“If I wrote music, it’d have cannons” Ryan Lewis

[The Onion @TheOnion]

Addition Of Ketchup Factored Into Calculation Of French Fry’s Final Temperature https://t.co/JGbxIuzW36

[Abby Kling @Abby_233]

I wish @waze could help me avoid this sinus congestion #basicallyI4rushhour https://t.co/WTkEj8s6io

[Abby Kling @Abby_233]

I need a 26.2 sticker to put on my car for how much my nose has been running lately

[Publix @Publix]

Welcome to the family, Store #1563, in Cocoa Beach, FL

[Church Curmudgeon @ChrchCurmudgeon]

My mechanic is an Oxford comma hardliner. I asked him to replace the engine oil and filter, and it cost me $12,000.

[Abby Kling @Abby_233]

If I were to have written an article for BuzzFeed it would’ve been this https://t.co/vAPbeVsRk5

[BuzzFeed @BuzzFeed]

17 reasons you don't need kids because you already have a niece or nephew https://t.co/1HP4u2Szd9