yum_yucker

painfully average at most things, really bad at others

[yum_yucker @yum_yuckerr]

look up from laughing at a tweet and a man is smiling at me…sir please go fill your water bottle and mind your business

[yum_yucker @yum_yuckerr]

there is no one on this planet more out of sorts than an old woman whose “regular girl” is not in the nail salon when she arrives

[yum_yucker @yum_yuckerr]

one day humanity will have to answer for what we did to the color teal

[yum_yucker @yum_yuckerr]

sometimes I just need the crumbs of a Doritos bag and half a cantaloup as a little treat

[yum_yucker @yum_yuckerr]

legally, i should be allowed 3-5 business days to replace a duvet cover.

[yum_yucker @yum_yuckerr]

I really love that in my adult life I currently know two people who are called “meat man _____”. One of them is a butcher and one of them was in a grocery store commercial holding a steak. Neither will escape being called meat man.

[yum_yucker @yum_yuckerr]

the amount of tools boys need is honestly so embarrassing. give a woman a car key and a butter knife and she will do anything she wants.

[yum_yucker @yum_yuckerr]

if im in a bar with patrons wearing pimple patches, im too old and will be upset by everything going on.

[yum_yucker @yum_yuckerr]

I haven’t had cable in ten years…how is Taken still playing on TNT?

[yum_yucker @yum_yuckerr]

why does every man that drives a tow truck look like that?

[yum_yucker @yum_yuckerr]

after trying to light charcoal for thirty minutes i think i understand why dads hit their kids

[yum_yucker @yum_yuckerr]

if justin bieber can do drugs and perform i can have a full-sugar cherry coke

[yum_yucker @yum_yuckerr]

but will AI serve you a natural wine that taste like a bandaid and gas light you into thinking that it’s good and how nature intended? i don’t think so, buddy.

[yum_yucker @yum_yuckerr]

what is the male urge to paint things black?

[yum_yucker @yum_yuckerr]

pls someone explain the forces in nature at work that make my husband’s bowel vacate the exact moment i start to wash my face and do my hair

[Steven Hyden @Steven_Hyden]

Nathan Fielder pointing out that the 23 seconds “Sully” Sullenberger was quiet in the cockpit before landing that plane is the exact length of the chorus to Evanescence’s “Bring Me To Life” is the year’s best music journalism.

[Lemón 🍋 @cigarettesummer]

Summer but with cigarettes

[yum_yucker @yum_yuckerr]

at a show last night & the woman behind me kept dropping her empty cups and kicking them under my feet and each time i picked it up and said ‘oh here you go.’ this went on for two hours. babe im playing to win.

[yum_yucker @yum_yuckerr]

girls, what’s the vibe for summer?
fade on the sides & #2 on top? lmk.

[yum_yucker @yum_yuckerr]

F*ck it. Welcome back Paramore!