abe shapiro

freelance intimacy coordinator email for bookings: [email protected]

[abe shapiro @abeshapiro3]

Comeback if someone calls you ugly:

“How about buying a mirror sometime, jackass?”

[abe shapiro @abeshapiro3]

It’s strange to dedicate your life to that specific cause, not to say it isn’t important but if you were at a dinner party would you gravitate towards the child rape prevention/simulation expert? Perhaps that’s why it’s so brave …

[abe shapiro @abeshapiro3]

Based on vibe the Chris Hanson mission seems like a Dexter situation

[abe shapiro @abeshapiro3]

Who is Chris Hanson ? Is he hero? Or…vigilante ?

[abe shapiro @abeshapiro3]

Yo I would fuck u up in a fight bro

[Sean Strickland @SStricklandMMA]

Darwinsim in full effect....

[abe shapiro @abeshapiro3]

@grok merge both these guys into one face

[abe shapiro @abeshapiro3]

Colleen Hoover’s works are only printed in size 38 font

[abe shapiro @abeshapiro3]

The most dangerous animal in the world is the Mosquito. The least dangerous animal in the world? The rhinoceros

[abe shapiro @abeshapiro3]

DIVEST FROM NIGERIA!!!!

[Bill Maher @billmaher]

The fact that this issue hasn't gained public attention is amazing.

[abe shapiro @abeshapiro3]

Bro yes you can

[Steven Crowder @scrowder]

Or, and hear me out, how about we enforce the laws that put Americans first.

You cannot selectively enforce laws based on your emotions.

[abe shapiro @abeshapiro3]

“Sorry miss, but I’m legally allowed to let my Saint Bernard shake dry on the subway” -thing I said to a karen earlier #laughoutloudcomedy

[abe shapiro @abeshapiro3]

The #charliekirkassassination has been called “heinous” by Kamala Harris and “amateur” by r/Sopranosrewatch

[Puds @havingalaugh]

walton goggins seems so cool until you see a clip of him talking and discover he's suffering from near-mcconaughey levels of actor brain

[abe shapiro @abeshapiro3]

Mom found the Substack rip

[abe shapiro @abeshapiro3]

The dude debating Charlie Kirk when he got shot must now carry out his holy mission

[abe shapiro @abeshapiro3]

This new jubilee format is gonna do numbers

[abe shapiro @abeshapiro3]

Googling ufc fighter name pronunciations so I don’t get caught as pretend fan again

[abe shapiro @abeshapiro3]

Soccer mom Halfway through a Narcotics anonymous meeting:

I also have a story. It’s not QUITE getting molested but I’ll do my best ahaha

[abe shapiro @abeshapiro3]

UNCOMFORTABLE NIECES FOR CUOMO!

[abe shapiro @abeshapiro3]

@SuperbNegro