A_bagel

“it’s like Abigail but stupid”

[A_bagel @abigail_funk]

Stop saying: “can you ℎ𝑎𝑛𝑑𝑙𝑒 that much woman?”

Start saying: “can you SUPPORT that much woman?”

A woman should never ‘need to be 𝐻𝐴𝑁𝐷𝐿𝐸𝐷’ only 𝕒𝕡𝕡𝕣𝕖𝕔𝕚𝕒𝕥𝕖𝕕 and cheered on.

[A_bagel @abigail_funk]

Nothing annoys me more than when moms say
“my— ‘anything-older-than-12-month’-old…”
Like guess I’m 300.205 months old 🤦🏽‍♀️
Quit that.

[A_bagel @abigail_funk]

Instagram just asked me to update my birthday info.
Now, and I could be wrong here, but last I checked it hasn’t changed…?

[A_bagel @abigail_funk]

So i just discovered that I’ve been perpetually severely dehydrated my whole life after learning that Gatorade or other sports drinks will taste almost too sweet the more dehydrated you are. I’ve NEVER liked Gatorade and always told people it’s too sweet. 🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️

[A_bagel @abigail_funk]

Honesty without empathy is just cruelty.

[A_bagel @abigail_funk]

Today I told someone asking me a favor no. It was terrifying 🫠😮‍💨

[A_bagel @abigail_funk]

I don’t know who needs to hear this but acknowledging that it’s hard doesn’t make you weak. You can do hard things and still recognize that they’re hard.

[A_bagel @abigail_funk]

Bowling green Kentucky ladies and Gents 🤦🏽‍♀️

[Joe Imel @joeimel]

Caller reports that a 24 year-old male swallowed dryer sheets a year ago and is now passing them in his stool. EMS dispatched. The caller wants law enforcement dispatched claiming that his friend stuffed them down his throat a year ago and wants a police report because he might get a bacterial infection.

[A_bagel @abigail_funk]

If one more post tells me to look between LMNOP on my keyboard I’m going back to a flip phone.

[juju 💰 @ayeejuju]

my brain stops working when i see this

[A_bagel @abigail_funk]

Remember when you used to click on a tweet and the comment section was actually about the tweet above? Me neither.

[A_bagel @abigail_funk]

Me vocal stimming around my empty house 💀💀

[A_bagel @abigail_funk]

I just wanna know what the stenographer wrote when that guy jumped the judge….

[A_bagel @abigail_funk]

Okay but the girl realizing dry cleaners literally clean clothes dry is how my mind works 24/7 with day to day stuff💀

[A_bagel @abigail_funk]

Whoever designs those stickers that rip instead of peel off in one piece… I hope you always burn your tongue on your food 🤬

[A_bagel @abigail_funk]

Me: “mom what do you want for Christmas”
Mom: “for my family to be happy and at peace.”
Me: “okay…. I meant something I can actually give you…”

[A_bagel @abigail_funk]

@niggaadjacent Agreed

[A_bagel @abigail_funk]

Tell me you live in KY without telling me you live in KY 🤦🏽‍♀️

[A_bagel @abigail_funk]

Hey god it’s me, so like, can someone take over my “strongest soldier” shift for a hot sec? I lowkey need a smoke break…
thanks girlie luv you bye 😘🩷

[A_bagel @abigail_funk]

Finding out that the “pretty Glonky” guy is facing attempted murder charges for stabbing his mother in the head with a knife is about equivalent to how 2023 went for me…..