absentYAparent

You might need me, but as a parent in a Young Adult book, I will rarely make an appearance. Parody account created by @radesilets

[absentYAparent @absentYAparent]

Yo! I think you're pretty lit.

Get it? Because we're in a book together?

... you know what? Back in my day, I was cool and didn't have to make pun-y parent jokes.

#yabooks #amreading

[absentYAparent @absentYAparent]

Oh, hey, honey, I know you are leaving tomorrow for the capital but here’s this insanely important part of your family history that might make it impossible for you to survive at the capital. Thanks, I love you, good talk. Have fun tomorrow!

[absentYAparent @absentYAparent]

@BuzzFeed Why am I always missing?!

[BuzzFeed @BuzzFeed]

Still wondering why every guy smells like pine. https://t.co/brPctup9bm

[absentYAparent @absentYAparent]

I know you just came to my office crying, but I have a big meeting coming up, so I'm going to call your father to come get you.

[absentYAparent @absentYAparent]

Well, this is a first for me. I'm gone not because of my own negligence, but you accidentally shot me and I died. And now I'm on twitter, haunting you forever. #yabooks

[absentYAparent @absentYAparent]

I've been reading through Wattpad lately. You know, I'm actually in one or two of these books?

Just like ... one or two. Out of thousands.

No big deal.

[absentYAparent @absentYAparent]

I get pissed at you every time you sneak out of the house. Yet, I don't have any realistic conversations with you about how you are grounded. That would involve more character development, and goodness forbid that the adults have a story line too. #amreading #yabooks

[absentYAparent @absentYAparent]

Yes, hello. I've been trapped in a cave for several years and never thought to try to leave it. Just been kind of hanging out, avoiding the crazy people trying to kill me, and catching fish. Sorry I wasn't around to watch you grow up? I guess?

[absentYAparent @absentYAparent]

It's not my fault that everyone over the age of 15 poofed out of existence. Good luck with your permanent Lord of the Flies status!

I never got to have a single line of dialogue. 😢

[absentYAparent @absentYAparent]

Going on a retreat for four days. Here's $20. Good luck at your first day of school, honey!

This note should explain how much I love my child... right?
#yabooks #amreading

[absentYAparent @absentYAparent]

I have an actual story line in this book! I am so excited! I'm reading, and there I am. On the page! And ... and... Oh, wait. I die on page 220. Never mind.
#yabooks #amwriting

[absentYAparent @absentYAparent]

My go to move is to grunt in annoyance when I learn about your life. For example: Your boyfriend is supernatural? Grunt. You lied to me about where you went last night? Grunt. You got turned into something supernatural? Grunt. It's a catch-all. #amreading #yabooks

[absentYAparent @absentYAparent]

When you get out of rehab, I'll let you go unsupervised to a sleep over, because it seems like a great parenting choice. (Plus, it's needed for the plot.)

#amreading #yabooks

[absentYAparent @absentYAparent]

You were born during a world war. Everyone you meet will have no family and will be traveling alone. It's not my fault I was killed off before page 1. #amreading

[absentYAparent @absentYAparent]

Your stepmom convinced someone to kill me, and your mother died years ago. So ... good luck with your life?

#yabooks #amreading #sorrynotsorry

[absentYAparent @absentYAparent]

One of us is in prison, and the other one has to work all the time so you can keep a roof over your head.

But somehow, the one who works all the time will still be home to notice whenever you're not where you should be.

#booklogic #yabooks #amreading

[absentYAparent @absentYAparent]

It has come to my attention that I'm insanely strict and unwilling to see your feelings ... this means we'll have some heartfelt conversation involving personal growth on page 200, right?

#yabooks #amreading

[absentYAparent @absentYAparent]

You don't eat dinner. You don't eat breakfast. You've lost weight. I'll ask you if you're okay one time so I don't seem like a monster, but I'll be oblivious until you pass out in front of me.
#yabooks #amreading

[absentYAparent @absentYAparent]

If I forget to wake you up for school ... wait, when have I ever woken you up for school? Oh well, time to go to work!
#yabooks #amreading