Andi

decades old walking mistake. replacing my heart with another liver so i can drink more and care less

[Andi @ac_andi]

i post my dumb things here now:

https://t.co/cCN8rhBHAS

[Andi @ac_andi]

friday commutes are the best because there is NO ONE ON THE FUCKING ROAD.

fuck your return to office. if your employees can work fully remote: let them bc some of us CAN’T.

[Andi @ac_andi]

not the christian god though
i didn’t read the bible but i believe he famously tried turning it off and turning it back on like… a lot of times in there.
it clearly didn’t work.

[Andi @ac_andi]

can we just… take all of humanity and turn it off and turn it back on again maybe? this is… yeah it’s not working

or maybe someone call god and ask for some tech support like..

[Andi @ac_andi]

team drives in overwatch just means trying to navigate the dogshit UI to figure out how to leave the group of randoms i get put into every single game

[rei shimada @isekkoyaoi]

polycule but instead of sex we lock tf in and rank up on overwatch

[Andi @ac_andi]

i mean at least we don’t have a black woman in the white house, right guys?

imagine how much worse things would be. we’d have war. and everything would be really expensive. and she’d probably tear down the white house to redecorate. and put her name and face on everything.

[Andi @ac_andi]

hey babe? they just gave up and the natural disasters are gonna keep getting worse and our crops will fail and a lot of people are gonna die. probably including us. do you wanna date me now.

[Andi @ac_andi]

i’m already not having a good time. and it keeps getting worse so genuinely what is the point.

[ABC News @ABC]

In a strategic retreat, the United Nations concedes that Earth has lost its chance to prevent some of the worst impacts of global warming.
https://t.co/JYA4ra7cbK

[Andi @ac_andi]

professional fucking loser

[Andi @ac_andi]

hey babe… does it every bother you that this version of you only exists in my head? and is probably a very poor interpretation / manipulation of reality?

[corsaren @corsaren]

mfs will be like “this meeting could have been an email” and then not respond to their emails

[Andi @ac_andi]

[in a tone that simultaneously conveys my deep affection and nostalgia for our lost friendship while still respectfully maintaining the distance you choose to put between us] hey.

[Andi @ac_andi]

i can’t handle this today

[Softboy @fwsoftboy]

Look away from your laptop for 1 second and MS Teams will say u left the country

[Andi @ac_andi]

and if you drive with your high beams on when there’s ANY other cars around you deserve to get shot on sight

[Andi @ac_andi]

if you block a functional lane because it’s merging and you think those people are “cutting” i hope you get fucking rear ended for being a piece of shit idiot

[Andi @ac_andi]

hey man. i know you never wanna talk to me again.
but can you do me a favor and we just date for a month or two. til you give me the ick and i learn to hate you for who you are instead of the endless months of heartache and wondering the rest of my life what could have been

[Andi @ac_andi]

they should invent a body that doesn’t hurt all the time

[Andi @ac_andi]

my login background was a field full of wild horses. not right now, microsoft 🙃