Adam Levine

I seen two robots building each other.

[Adam Levine @aclevine86]

@BrotiGupta I crave the spotlight at any cost. Even though it means everyone saw my weird texts (I texted the word "adultery" to everyone in my phone)

[Adam Levine @aclevine86]

When I lived in Chicago, Hamsey was my favorite live show. It made me laugh so hard. Big time recommend if you live in LA.

[Alex Blechman @AlexBlechman]

There’s a point of view, popular in the business world, that a publication is just a collection of html pages and trademarked logos, and that the writers who create the writing are incidental, replaceable, and have nothing to do with the publication’s overall quality or success

[Adam Levine @aclevine86]

"not even on the right day"

[Adam Levine @aclevine86]

LRT: @NotJosephGarcia is so, so funny.

[ً @NotJosephGarcia]

[trying to say merry christmas but getting it very wrong, not even on the right day] m’cingle

[Adam Levine @aclevine86]

@BrotiGupta @_AlexHirsch @NoraWinslow (so as to prevent corrosion)

[Adam Levine @aclevine86]

@BrotiGupta @_AlexHirsch @NoraWinslow Thank you, Broti, but I will earn the blue check the way everyone else on this website has: by inventing and successfully patenting a novel method for applying zinc coating to steel (a process known as galvanization) in large-scale industrial settings

[Adam Levine @aclevine86]

@_AlexHirsch @hoardiculture @NoraWinslow Rockadoodle Synopsis:
A small boy turns into a cat because an owl sent a pigeon to kill a rooster. Many horny animals flirt with each other in Las Vegas while a dog begs for help tying his shoes. The rooster takes a sexual chicken as his bride. The boy's mom decides he's insane.

[Adam Levine @aclevine86]

[Grimace is running through McDonald's with a full head of hair]
Grimace: Hide me! Children! Hide me!
[He's tackled by police officers]
Cop: Take him into the bathroom and get the scissors.
Grimace [kicking as he's dragged into the bathroom]: They never let me keep my hair!

[Adam Levine @aclevine86]

Perfume Ad:
A woman is putting on lipstick in her bedroom. Suddenly she starts sniffing the air. She follows the scent to the bed, looks under it, and sees the Dalai Lama hiding under there. He gives her the finger.

Narrator: "Zoo Animal." The new fragrance by the Dalai Lama

[Adam Levine @aclevine86]

Neighbor listening to “Pop Goes The Weasel” on his stereo so loud it shakes the entire apartment building.

Me [pounding on neighbor’s door]: WHAT SONG IS THAT??? WHAT SONG IS THAT???

[Adam Levine @aclevine86]

YouTube Video Title:
Shirtless Man Eaten By Tiger (GRAPHIC)

Comments:

Where is the man’s shirt?
Why doesn’t the man have a shirt??
Who took the man’s shirt off?
Shirt gone
Tiger in video looks pregnant
When will the man put his shirt back on?

[Adam Levine @aclevine86]

@kibblesmith @BrotiGupta @SamFishell @NoraWinslow Okay, well, keep us posted on this.

[Adam Levine @aclevine86]

Announcer: Now batting, Glimpton.

[Glimpton steps to the plate. He’s got thick glasses and braces. His uniform has a pocket protector.

Glimpton swings and hits a MASSIVE home run. He wheezes as he rounds the bases. When he reaches home, the catcher gives him a wedgie]

[Adam Levine @aclevine86]

A man is choking to death in a restaurant. Diners are screaming and crying as they watch the man die. A panicking waiter Googles "How to save choking victim"

Google Results: Sorry, your search had 0 results. Did you mean "How to save CHORSTERING victim?"

[Adam Levine @aclevine86]

@BrotiGupta @SamFishell @_AlexHirsch @kibblesmith I really like the idea of starting all poems from now on by declaring, "Move over Amanda Gorman."

"Move over Amanda Gorman. April is the cruelest month, breeding/Lilacs out of the dead land..." etc.

[Adam Levine @aclevine86]

@BrotiGupta @SamFishell @_AlexHirsch @kibblesmith You were wise to come to me about this. I can confirm this poem about eyeballs is good and accurate.