Aubrey Proletariat

Beautiful trainwreck brought to you by a UFO Factory

[Aubrey Proletariat @acproletariat]

There is a difference between cunt-fidence and confidence

[Aubrey Proletariat @acproletariat]

“If you were a drug dealer in Piney Valley, you probably knew Felix”

[Aubrey Proletariat @acproletariat]

@kindasketchyguy May or may not have gone to high school with this sir.

[Aubrey Proletariat @acproletariat]

“I thought Hockey was over! What is March Madness?”

[Aubrey Proletariat @acproletariat]

@LOstin88 SAAMMMEEE — one day I’ll actually get around to it (think of all the ‘free subscription trial periods’ we’ll be eligible for again!

[Aubrey Proletariat @acproletariat]

Me: How did I get signed up for all these fucking email lists?
Also me: Oooohh, look: a sweepstakes!

[Aubrey Proletariat @acproletariat]

Max just said Beyoncé was a part of TLC so please consider this our breakup notice.

[Max McKenna @fieldmckenna]

I'm reading #Blitzscaling, @acproletariat on the other couch doing tarot readings, Dead Prez playing. This house is eclectic.

[Aubrey Proletariat @acproletariat]

Throwing out a nonsense in-joke from college in your office means you get a lot of strange looks (but really, “who stole that ham!?”)

[Aubrey Proletariat @acproletariat]

“I feel like I need to be more in touch with barleywine” — Max, fucking clearly 😂

[Aubrey Proletariat @acproletariat]

The day I got offered my job in PA I cried the entire 12 hour Greyhound ride home to Detroit. I could not stop no matter what I tried -- I knew it was the right thing for me, but I knew I was closing a chapter I wasn't ready (didn't want to be ready) to leave.

[Aubrey Proletariat @acproletariat]

“Nah, the woman I interviewed with stressed ‘storytelling’ as the main job point and ‘lady, lemme tell ya, I tell stories like a drunk fisherman trying to impress a busty waitress’ didn’t feel like the appropriate way to say ‘yes, I’m great at that’”

[Aubrey Proletariat @acproletariat]

“I’m not scared of jail, that’s my retirement plan. Jail or a mental institution, either way I’ll be braiding hair and doing crafts and it’ll be free.”

[Aubrey Proletariat @acproletariat]

Chidi is YOKED! I have complicated feelings happening right now. #TheGoodPlace

[Aubrey Proletariat @acproletariat]

A human, to me: Do you know what Reddit is?
Me: 🤔🧐🤨

[Aubrey Proletariat @acproletariat]

Me, to the dog who has an open wound from fucking with the cat: When you get punched, just walk away. No need to get punched twice. That’s solid life advice, Gen.

[Aubrey Proletariat @acproletariat]

Random woman to me at the Childish Gambino show: Yes, white girl, drink that beer!

[Aubrey Proletariat @acproletariat]

Me to Z: Hungover/still-drunk-in-the-morning Aubrey is an 11 year old who has been granted adult rights for the day.

[Aubrey Proletariat @acproletariat]

@_TRiv @MacNaughtonArt 🤣🤣 I mean, that’s a form of currency

[Aubrey Proletariat @acproletariat]

Max during the first time we’ve ever played Battleship:
E as in “Eveytime we play this game you cheat”

[Aubrey Proletariat @acproletariat]

Me, to the dog: you wanna go out for a walk?
*Cat meows loudly*
Me: Okay, not you. That’s not how your life works at all.