MC

This will probably be mediocre comedy.

[MC @ActualMC]

Telling people you want to be a comedy writer feels like telling people you want to be a dinosaur.

[MC @ActualMC]

I almost just sent a heart emoji to my DoorDash support agent for being so helpful, but then I second-guessed myself and the ship sailed.

Tonee, if you're listening... This is for you ❤

[MC @ActualMC]

Do you think Hanson would still accept my fanmail? There's some childhood whimsy I'd like to return to.

[Pitch @pitchjokes]

Dearest Followers! Pitch is SHUTTING DOWN! DYING! PLUG PULLED! We are all very sad but join us for one last blow out party and tournament tonight! 6pt/9et! https://t.co/Tt6WWCtejJ

Feat. @ChrisXMorgan @Videotapezzz @HeavenlyGrandpa @important_celeb Host @mattklinman and more!

[MC @ActualMC]

I've been playing fantasy football for seven years and I still have no idea what's going on. #ThursdayNightFootball

[MC @ActualMC]

How to fix heartburn
@SharonSpell / topic by @ActualMC #pitchjokes

[Pitch @pitchjokes]

Hey there! We’re doing live shows for a few weeks!! Watch like DOZENS of us write jokes LIVE on Twitch tonight at 6pt/9et at https://t.co/Tt6WWCtejJ

Hosted by @mattklinman With Special Guests @natedern @ChrisXMorgan @1AbbyRoad @Videotapezzz @GregCartin @HeavenlyGrandpa

[MC @ActualMC]

If dating is so easy for girls, then why did I sit through all those skateboarding videos circa 2008?

[z @zziak22]

how old were you when the guitar hero crowd booed at you for trying your best

[MC @ActualMC]

All these zoom meetings are really throwing off my routine of meme scrolling and depression-naps.

[MC @ActualMC]

Higher education is something no one can ever take away from you. It's also something you can't sell when you run out of money.

[MC @ActualMC]

Quarantine Update: I can't find the light bulbs and refuse to go out and buy more.
I also believe in ghosts now.

[MC @ActualMC]

Everybody was being real nice to each other until we found out we have to wait in line.

[MC @ActualMC]

Odd items to find in your mailbox
@LowellCBenjamin @BrandonShay10 @Hearmuff @JohnLundquist13 / topic by @ActualMC #pitchjokes

[MC @ActualMC]

I'm now ending work e-mails with inspirational quotes to get us through these trying times.

[MC @ActualMC]

Weird Humble Brags
@GHobbesworth @ActualMC @davidprydejokes / topic by @ActualMC #pitchjokes

[MC @ActualMC]

I am CONVINCED that this quarantine is the only reason I'm not America's Next Top Model.

[MC @ActualMC]

The best part of working from home is how often I can worry about my e-mails sounding weird.

[MC @ActualMC]

What inspires you?
@ActualMC @OyVegas / topic by @cristyjoy #pitchjokes

[MC @ActualMC]

Questions you actually want to hear at a job interview
@LowellCBenjamin @ActualMC / topic by @ActualMC #pitchjokes