ATwitStuff

Cinerama, Silver Bars, Stanleys, Shed Seven, Bristol City - other views are just postmix lemonade

[LaughBreak: Dad Jokes ‘N More @MediocreJoker85]

A duck walks into a bar and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich.

The barman looks at him and says, “Hang on… you’re a duck.”

“I see your eyes are working,” replies the duck.

“And you can talk!” exclaims the barman.

“I see your ears are working too,” says the duck. “Now, if you don’t mind, can I have my beer and sandwich?”

“Certainly. Sorry about that,” says the barman as he pours the pint. “It’s just that we don’t get many ducks in here. What are you doing around this way?”

“I’m working on the building site across the road,” explains the duck. “I’m a plasterer.”

The barman is amazed, but the duck pulls a newspaper out of his bag and starts reading, making it clear the conversation is over.

He drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, says goodbye, and leaves.

The same thing happens every day for the next two weeks.

Then one day, the circus comes to town.

The ringmaster stops into the bar for a drink, and the barman says,

“You’re with the circus, aren’t you? I know a duck who’d be perfect for your show. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper… the lot!”

“Sounds marvelous,” says the ringmaster, handing over his business card. “Tell him to give me a call.”

So the next day, when the duck comes into the pub, the barman says, “Hey, Mr. Duck, I think I can line you up with a great job. Good money, too.”

“I’m always interested in the next job,” says the duck. “Where is it?”

“At the circus,” replies the barman.

“The circus?” asks the duck.

“That’s right.”

“The circus… with the big tent?”

“Yep.”

“With all the animals in cages and the performers living in caravans?”

“Exactly.”

“And the tent has canvas sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?”

“That’s the one,” says the barman.

The duck looks at him in complete confusion and says…

“What the hell would they need a plasterer for?”

[Emma 💛💙🇩🇰🇬🇧🇪🇺 @MonkEmma]

35°C is normal, we used to just call that summer!

Here's how many summers topped 32°C

70s 4
80s 2
90s 8
2000s 6
2010s all of them
2020s all of them

And here's how many summers topped 35°C

70s 1
80s 0
90s 2
2000s 2
2010s 3
2020s 4 (out of 6 so far)

[OL @oliibrs]

Not looking forward to when it’s my turn to either be Prime Minister, manage Watford or marry Katie Price

[MP Arizona☀️🏳️‍🌈💙🌵🐕🐕‍🦺🫂💦🏜🐟🌴🎙🌎🌻♍️🌊 @AzPetrich]

A man blinded by a flag about to step off into emptiness might be Banksy's best work ever.

[Curiosity @CuriosityonX]

People don't realize how absurd this view actually is.

A camera. On a robot. On Mars.

Built by humans on a planet 140 million miles away, launched on a rocket, landed using a sky crane, and now driving across an alien desert taking pictures so detailed you can count the rocks.

100 years ago, your great-grandparents thought airplanes were a miracle.

You are scrolling past Mars on your phone.

[Cultura Inquieta @culturainquieta]

El clip colaborativo del rapero sueco Yung Lean y GENER8ION supera los límites de un simple videoclip musical y ya es un festín visual extraordinario. 🔥

La coreografía, a cargo del gran coreógrafo francés Damien Jalet. 💥

Hoy, 29 de abril, Día internacional de la danza.

[Matt @BCFC_Matt_]

one of the best photos i've seen of Vitek.... bloke is absolutely unreal

[Carl Bovis @CarlBovisNature]

Look at the face! 😍
I was thrilled to get this shot of a gorgeous Red Kite today near Steart Marshes in Somerset! 😀
It was holding the flesh of some creature in its talons and was eating it as it flew right over my head! 😮
Zoom in and just Look at the face! 😍🐦

[. @ihatetikitaka]

hall of shame tonight

[Curiosity @CuriosityonX]

🤯 Over 2,000 years ago, the ancient Greeks proved the Earth was round… and calculated its circumference without satellites.

Carl Sagan explaining this is pure genius energy �

[Speaker @HoosierSpeaker]

How do you find out you’re good at this? What’s the conversation look like

[Second Tier podcast @secondtierpod]

Coventry's promotion push.

[Joey Langone @JoeyLangone]

.@BarstoolBigCat at King Richard’s Faire

[One Stream in Bristol @OSIBPODMAG]

Bristol City’s 24/25 Playoff Campaign:

[ATwitStuff @actwitstuff]

@Alfie780385 @claireroberts01 @BristolCity I think he needs another loan to a top end Champ club next year - has loads of skill/energy, doesn’t give ball away but needs to assist more often

[Ian Miles Cheong @ianmiles]

Mind-blowing.

[ATwitStuff @actwitstuff]

@Rainmaker1973 And my cat is exactly half as long as my dog!

[ATwitStuff @actwitstuff]

@cymruambyth1964 @liam_fowler Matty James, Andy King, Mehmeti, Danny Simpson, McCorie, Naismith, Cornick, so many others, so many past their prime - we had injuries which meant academy players played but Scott, Pring, Semenyo were better than his signings!

[ATwitStuff @actwitstuff]

@BFloodlights TBF the Sunday Times also voted in a similar way! It’s an old school indie sound updated by a distinctive vocalist and clever arrangement - hope you aren’t blinded by the commercial success 😎

[ATwitStuff @actwitstuff]

@BristolCity Why doesn’t the interviewer challenge his excuse that it’s a difficult place to come - WBA were struggling at home with only 4 home wins this season!!