Holden's seance review: The lighting was terrible, the host insisted on singing, and the guest speaker was a deceased colleague who refused to answer basic questions about what's going on.
I told my doctor I keep seeing a giant, fiery demon in the woods. He said, "Take two aspirin and stop accepting folded parchment from polite British men." #svengoolie
The hardest part of having three days to live in a 1950s horror movie isn't the impending doom. It's having to spend 72 hours wearing a full suit and tie while you wait for it to happen. #svengoolie
Holden's internal monologue: "This man just conjured a localized hurricane that nearly blew a dozen children into the next county, but what really offends me is his terrible costume." #svengoolie
Karswell tries to curse Holden with the wrath of a fire demon, and Holden retaliates by leaving a 1-star review for Karswell’s clown business. #svengoolie
Karswell: "I have secretly slipped you the ancient runes of doom!" Holden: "Great, I needed a bookmark. Also, your handwriting is terrible." #svengoolie
How stubborn is John Holden? If the demon tapped him on the shoulder and asked for directions, Holden would write a 400-page academic paper on the psychological projection of giant rubber claws. #svengoolie