That’s it. I’m running for president and my first action will be to create an amendment where the hotdog eating contest will be available for free everywhere. Take the paywall down!!!
Alien: Unfortunately my name manifests in kinetic frequencies which your human mind simply cannot comprehend.
Me: I want to try. It's important to me.
Alien: Bart Simpson
Me: No we actually have that name here too
If you are a grown ass man at the gym and you don’t wash your hands after the bathroom, I will be seeing your mom tonight and we will be talking about your behavior.
What if when they were building the pyramids, the emperors provided music for the workers.
Like one day you look up from your heavy ass rock and the emperor is just like “ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to the stage… U2!!!
Motion detection toilets should not be a thing, urinals are great but god forbid I lean a little bit too far forward and now the toilet is flushing and splashing water everywhere while I’m just trying to take care of business