adam wheal

[adam wheal @adub_07]

@Police1gva 🤣🤣🤣 the most terrified woman cop ive ever seen. Time for a new job you useless tit

[Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien]

Trump wakes up every morning and says, "Today I'll act like a president." But then his thumbs say, "Oh, no, you won't."

[Destination Ontario @OntarioTravel]

Where north meets south. https://t.co/cjVToLy4j2

[Men's Humor @MensHumor]

When your friend doesn't know how to work the buttons in a fighting game

https://t.co/gBDzKY8e1u

[Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien]

I just got a ticket for driving while wearing VR goggles yet the cop couldn't suggest any other way for me to feel like I'm riding a dragon.

[Patton Oswalt @pattonoswalt]

Not...ONE...direct...climate change question? Please tell me that's ALL the third debate will be about? #debates

[Stephen King @StephenKing]

Electing Donald Trump to fix America would be like fixing eczema with a blowtorch.

[Men's Humor @MensHumor]

When there's only one girl at the party

https://t.co/XEFR0CX5D1

[Neil deGrasse Tyson @neiltyson]

Not that anybody asked, but on Mercury, I’m 240 years old, and on Saturn, I’m just 2.

[Men's Humor @MensHumor]

this dude looks exactly like Trevor from GTA

[Stephen King @StephenKing]

My favorite Trump button. Sent to me by Maine humorist Tim Sample.

[Neil deGrasse Tyson @neiltyson]

A word of our times: DELUSION -- Being sure something is true in the face of all evidence that says it is not.

[Men's Humor @MensHumor]

I need one of those!

https://t.co/G2153DGdoO