aubrey 🧸

blue is the warmest checkmark

[aubrey 🧸 @ae1995]

The intrusive thoughts leaving my head after my therapist tells me to “take it one day at a time”

[aubrey 🧸 @ae1995]

Today’s crossword was a real tease @NYTGames @nytimes

[jbolina jolie @pastapilled]

If I was the inventor of healing I would have made it linear I can tell you that much

[aubrey 🧸 @ae1995]

When they were building fireplaces in the 1800s, did they ever consider how high up the tv would have to go??

[Manzi @ClixWell]

Stop avoiding your banking app. Go look at what you’ve done.

[aubrey 🧸 @ae1995]

Mary had a little iamb: its FLEECE / was WHITE / as SNOW

[poorly drawn cats @poorlycatdraw]

wait 😾🤚

[aubrey 🧸 @ae1995]

They really popped off spelling “hear” with the word “ear” inside of it

[aubrey 🧸 @ae1995]

Most people fail to consider the proper timing on when to use a contraction and how imperative it's.

[jolene of arc @okaypompeii]

me applying for a new job:

[Meg @megannn_lynne]

i actually LOVE that it gets dark at 7pm now. now i can start Reckoning With My Own Insignificance earlier. really frees up the rest of the evening for Mourning What Could Have Been

[karrah 💗 @karrahh_]

I’m going to (remembering I can’t make suicide jokes anymore) go whaling

[aubrey 🧸 @ae1995]

Girlhood isn’t about growing boobs. It’s not about getting a period. It’s about reading the Margaret Atwood “male fantasies” quote and subsequently spitting fire every time you look in the mirror

[jorts 🇵🇸 @ftmensch]

if i had an evangelical homie i’d be doing this all the time

[(doctor) Alex Grease @dodgonkulator]

doctor: are you sexually active?

me: no I usually just lie there 😜🤙

doctor (writing in my chart): effortlessly witty....and quite beautiful, I might add

[sydney ♛ @mornings0da]

Just typed the word “we’d’ve.” Real contraction heads won’t be fazed by that type of deep cut

[Wax @righyaway]

“Ok come up with a name for the cancer patient on the cigarette warning”

“How about Barb… ……tar box..?”

[aubrey 🧸 @ae1995]

They should invent an unobtrusive way to let someone know they have something in their nose

[aubrey 🧸 @ae1995]

Yeah I already have my baby names picked out

Boy twins:
Brainstorm & Green Needle

Girl twins:
Yanny & Laurel