Pip

Short, sweet and a whole lot of sassy.

[Pip @aelisec]

To be clear, I’m not going to…. But I could.

[Pip @aelisec]

Guy next to me at the airport is doing credit card stuff on speakphone. I could steal his entire identity.

[Pip @aelisec]

No husband does more chores more quickly than one who wants to go do something fun tomorrow and leave you home with the baby.
Jokes on you bruh, I don’t have to do chores and I get to snuggle the baby all day? SOLD.

[Pip @aelisec]

Might be getting the 💩 squad back together again.

[Pip @aelisec]

If you were ever curious what you’d look like if you were a boy, have a son. Cuz it looks like my husband wasn’t even consulted on this kid. Copy/paste of his mother.

[Pip @aelisec]

Anyone else’s husband tell them every year “omg we owe so much in taxes!!” & you ask if he’s sure that doesn’t make sense? & he says I’m sure blah blah so you ask him to check his math one more time.
For him to come back to you sheepishly & say, yeah we’re getting a refund. Men.

[Pip @aelisec]

When I told the pediatrician today that my son was chuckling but not full laughing yet, he said I needed to work on my material. Rude. A sick burn, but rude.

[Pip @aelisec]

The true luxury of LL Bean bedding cannot be explained to those from away. This is living.

[Pip @aelisec]

Did lentils exist before 2015? I don’t remember hearing about or eating lentils before I was a full ass adult and now I eat lentils like 5 times a week. Is there a lentil lobby that’s influencing my life?

[Pip @aelisec]

My coworker & his wife just had their first baby. I made them freezer breakfast tacos & the barefoot contessa’s morning glory muffins. Dropped them off tonight 30 mins before they got home from the hospital. That’s called building the village you want to raise your kids in.

[Pip @aelisec]

I think if you’re ordering baby supplies at 3am Amazon should have a “you’re clearly struggling” here’s free 2 day shipping.

[Pip @aelisec]

In order to keep breastfeeding I had no had to eliminate: dairy, soy and eggs from my diet.

Excuse me while I learn how to photosynthesize 🪴 ☀️ there are so few foods left.

[Pip @aelisec]

@CapeCodChips got a bag of mesquite bbq chips today and the chips were not seasoned at all. This has never happened to us before. Very weird.

[Pip @aelisec]

My husband is an amazing father but I take perverse joy in being able to walk in and soothe our boy. Yes, it is mumma. I made you. Feel free to worship me.

[Pip @aelisec]

Sorry can’t work today. My son fell asleep on my chest & he’s too cozy.

[Pip @aelisec]

Sleep deprivation is hilarious. I woke Trav up to come up to bed and he half awake frantically checked his nuts for our son. Said son was sleeping upstairs in his bassinet.

[Pip @aelisec]

The only weirdo in the grocery store buying steak tips and plant based butter.

[Pip @aelisec]

I’m starting a game where I tell my pediatrician something outlandish to see if he tells me it’s “totally normal” … my baby ran a sub 3 marathon today. Yeah yeah totally normal.

[Pip @aelisec]

Objectively I know my worth isn’t determined by my ability to “snap back” after having a baby but we live in a society that celebrates that and I’m currently 5lbs less than my pre-pregnancy at 12 week postpartum.

[Pip @aelisec]

Anyone else’s kid fart themselves back to sleep? Just us?