and when i catch myself wishing i had ana instead of bed, i feel so guilty. because i know it’s just as, if not more, miserable to live with that illness and ideally i should be wishing for health. but all i want is to be thin more than anything.
sometimes i feel i’m not meant to be skinny. i’ve been overweight my whole life and i’ve tried everything. but i always fall back. it never sticks, no matter how hard i try. maybe i just don’t deserve to lose weight.