Alan Stenzel

I'm cooler than a soda pop.

[Alan Stenzel @aes164]

#Bombogenesis ? Sounds more like something Jamaican adolescents learn in health class. . .

[Alan Stenzel @aes164]

Earn $0.50 plus a $3.00 bonus when you purchase "<i>Energizer</i> MAX® Batteries" using Magic Receipts! https://t.co/Tq86BCj6pP

[Alan Stenzel @aes164]

Earn $0.10 plus a $3.00 bonus when you purchase "Eggs - Any Brand!" using Magic Receipts! https://t.co/0IRl1T9VQQ

[Alan Stenzel @aes164]

Earn $0.50 plus a $3.00 bonus when you purchase "<i>Energizer</i> MAX® Batteries" using Magic Receipts! https://t.co/Tq86BCj6pP

[Alan Stenzel @aes164]

Heyyy tweeterssssss. It's that guy who log in once.

[Alan Stenzel @aes164]

Our news and politics come from this??? Fuck me.

[Alan Stenzel @aes164]

Dude, it's 2021, and I'm still confused A.F. how to use Twitter.

[Alan Stenzel @aes164]

If you own a pet and won't let them sleep in bed with you, you suck.

[Alan Stenzel @aes164]

Shut yo raggedy ass up and sit the fuck down
#epithaph

[Alan Stenzel @aes164]

Ya ever look at Michael Bolton and wanna ask him, "you suckin on a hard candy there sport? What's with the cheeks?" #Trending #MLB oh wait #MBLovers

[Alan Stenzel @aes164]

Not to boast, but I know all the Lyrics to the Modern Family theme song. Book me for your next event.

[Alan Stenzel @aes164]

"Nexdoria," Ha! 🤣 Comedic gold. #Coming2America #ComingToAmerica2

[Alan Stenzel @aes164]

🎶Eep🎷Opp🎺Ork🎸Ah🥁Ah!🎶

[Alan Stenzel @aes164]

Let That Sink In! Too true! Yup! Well isn't this just the damndest thing. Share before its deleted by the fake news media.
https://t.co/RWhXnAy6Xa

[Alan Stenzel @aes164]

"Did you hear, #Perseverance made it 300 million miles to #Mars in just 6 years!?" - *taps watch and looks squarely at the eyes reflected in the rearview mirror of my Uber driver.*

[Alan Stenzel @aes164]

@SpicyThaiS Then what would we eat?! (Have you seen the story? They found 3 ppl marooned on a island for 30 days)

[Alan Stenzel @aes164]

Rats and conch AND 30 day free stay in your own Bahamas island? I don't see what the issue is here.

[Michael Ian Black @michaelianblack]

What is the starting salary for being a recluse?