Future History Today

Dedicated to informing the masses of future history's most important moments. #history can be lost, but this will be a way to save it forever #absurdist #comedy

[Future History Today @afuturespast]

If you are wondering, has this crazy guy ever made a short youtube series that starts rough, but gets kinda better as it goes along? Well, good news! I am not sure it gets better, but it certainly starts rough!

https://t.co/nj8j48Qr1Y

#eightpastfuture #onlysevenminutes

[Future History Today @afuturespast]

Details of US / Iran ceasefire emerge. Iran agrees to stop firing on US bases, US agrees to take away all women's rights.
#ceasefire #Trump #f-bomb

[Future History Today @afuturespast]

On this day in 8252 PU (Post Understanding), God god realizes it misplaced the keys to the Universe. The time to ask for help is long past, and doing it now would be awkward, so God god decides to make another Universe, rather than be embarrassed by its mistake. #scifisat

[Future History Today @afuturespast]

On this day in 3205 AD, jealous of otherworldly experiences, Earthbound humans develop artificial environments to simulate other planets. Want to dine on Venus? Run on Jupiter? You can do it! But everyone who did dies & makes the rest of the populous appreciate this world #vss365

[Future History Today @afuturespast]

On this day in 2738 AD, in a effort to unify humanity with a single cause, Earth becomes an attempted universal language. Though the development methods were closely guarded, what little details disclosed included dictionaries, blenders and glue sticks #vss365 #eatpaste #jdqneknx

[Future History Today @afuturespast]

On this day in 3291 AD, humans fear hallucinations, but in a rare act of solar dysfunction, the sun splits into two near equal masses. Unable to negotiate a peaceful settlement between the two parties - Sunny Suns and Bright Lights, the Earth plunges into a quasitwilight #vss365

[Future History Today @afuturespast]

On this day in 4839 AD, postpostpostpostpostpostpostpostpostpostpostpostpostpostpostpostpostpostpostpostpostpostpostpostpostpostpostpostpostpostpostpostpostpostpostpostpostpostpostpostpostpostpostpostpostpostpostpostpostpostpostpostpostpostpostpostpostpostpostpostmodernism starts

[Future History Today @afuturespast]

On this day in 2179 AD, traumatized by the loss of his mother, Hermit the Crab devotes its life to revenge against the fisherman. Thousands would die before Hermit came face to face with the crabnapper. What happened next involved a boiling pot of water and pain #vss365 #scififri

[Future History Today @afuturespast]

On this day in 3849 AD, in the spirit of fairness, as well as court ordered reparations, cows receive their first ground human patties, and chickens mass shipments of human thighs. Fish, desiring human sushi, lost in appeals court due to filing in international waters. #vss365

[Future History Today @afuturespast]

On this day in 2175 AD, after years of people unable to remember the teeth thing, aligators and crocodiles throw down the gauntlets forcing humanity to genetically modify one of them red to end confusion. Disaster strikes they’re both modified. They make cool boots though #vss365

[Future History Today @afuturespast]

On this day in 3498 AD, the glut of mechanical sheep sales comes to an end. Dream states lead to the unnecessary grazing of massive quantities of vegetation. The Shepard is introduced, a glorified computer virus. This turns into a real virus-Super rabies. It infects all. #vss365

[Future History Today @afuturespast]

On this day in 67 BEC (Before Earth Collapse), the Vision epidemic reaches its peak. Even the slightest wisp of the drug brings your third eye chakra into alignment with Big Foot. Later, a class action lawsuit would side with Big Foot for invasion of privacy. #vss365 #scifisat

[Future History Today @afuturespast]

On this day in 3185 AD, entwined sleep and insomnia research comes to a startling conclusion-sleep is not unconsciousness, insomnia is not the inability to sleep. Unbeknownst to us, we've been tricked into nightly blanket wrestling practice driving our evolution #vss365 #scififri

[Future History Today @afuturespast]

On this day in 2057 AD, @beyondmeat takes another step in the movement & develops Beyond Carbon, a fully AI designed metaprotein capable of transimaginating tastes of theoretical silicon based alien life forms. They not only come in fun shapes, but also rip through you #vss365

[Future History Today @afuturespast]

@thefakefireside History is weird, can’t make this stuff up.

[Future History Today @afuturespast]

On this day in 4892 AD, Nicholas Cage is raised from the dead in a secret government facility in a doomed attempt to find the stolen Constitution. People think movies were real events during this time. I definitely should have mentioned that at the beginning #vss365 #notthebees

[Future History Today @afuturespast]

On this day in 2205 AD, the last human to have seen a green world in person dies. All the CRISPR human reptile hybrids simultaneously mourn the loss and are thrilled to finally stop hearing about how there used to be more than four species on the planet #vss365 #reptilian #Rulers

[Future History Today @afuturespast]

On this day in 2084 AD, @ubereats sensing they have limited their marketshare, expand to one of the last remaining venues. Uber Host launches, allowing people to volunteer as hosts and vehicle for a range of infectious diseases. Financially successful, globally disastrous #vss365

[Future History Today @afuturespast]

On this day in 2194 AD, NASA food scientists, in an effort to save weight, develop dehydrated water flakes. It is a brilliant development greatly reducing the payload. As astronauts come to realize, the issue with the product is the need to add water before consumption. #scifisat

[Future History Today @afuturespast]

On this day in 3849 AD, a new form of flower blooms. There are familiar features-stems, leaves, pedals. The new defining characteristics include addiction to caffeine, a penchant for binging limited series and growing in the vast radioactive fields that used to be Europe #vss365