two hundred thousand dollars

your mum is actually your dad

[two hundred thousand dollars @agendastupidity]

The MDMA to Dexies to ADHD diagnosis pipeline

[birds' hell @saturnalreturn]

The British prime minister is replaced 24 times per second, creating the illusion of a smoothly flowing image

[hb @h3xenbrenner2]

even if you paused your game to be somewhere?

[Polly Pocketknife🌸🔪 @polypocketknife]

i could tell you were poly by how you always seem to want another cracker

[tasman @lildorothy_]

Decorating my cubicle with framed photos of my coworkers families

[liz @normalfunnygirl]

You may find yourself. In a beautiful restaurant. With a beautiful burger

[𝔇𝔦𝔫𝔤𝔲𝔰 𝔈𝔤𝔤 @castingahex]

if i was a boy i would also poop standing up

[MovieBoy @movieboy69]

Dune 3 chicks at the same time

[faget83629031852 @faget9261530128]

my child’s first words were “pacifiers are
so niche”

[Ricy Hollywood @victim_burn77]

Setting up an elaborate set of home alone traps for the paramedics on their way to narcan me

[Creamer V2 @CreamerMJR]

Pride Month ending on Canada Day, i am no longer gay anymore. I am Canadian

[Aelfred The Great @aelfred_D]

I think about this every time I drive

[Vivian @suchnerve]

White people are like “White people be like ‘White people be like’”

[Lauren @libralaur]

Men that add music to their ig pics is ladies

[s44nti @s44nti]

TWITTER CON AUTOTRADUCCIÓN SE SIENTE ALGO ASÍ

[Gay Interrupted @TwinkTheory]

Being this hot and climbing the Empire State Building in a proposal stunt as heterosexuals oh baby the straights really said July 1 faggots to the BACK

[Chris @citehchris]

i’d walk over and introduce myself to the
elephant and make them feel welcomed in the room

[diana ೄྀ࿐ @wi7derness]

u get wired headphones and suddenly every door handle is erect and present

[. @playboicurrryy]

high difficulty level escape room concept: u are laying in bed and u have one hour to get out of bed