Lauren Cupples

[Anna Khachiyan @annakhachiyan]

Reading election polls is astrology for men

[Lauren Cupples @agentti83]

Just throwing this theory out there but did Mitch McConnell maybe touch that cursed ring from Harry Potter? #Election2020 #MitchMcConnell #dumbledore #HarryPotter #Senate #ElectionTwitter #ElectionDay #Democrat #Republicans

[Lauren Cupples @agentti83]

Excited to announce my new book idea:

“An Indeterminate Number of Semi-Habitual Behaviors That Sporadically Competent But Mostly Ineffectual People Engage In”

#PositiveVibes #selfhelp #PositivePsychology #AcademicChatter #writing #WritingCommunity #books #comedy #writerslift

[Lauren Cupples @agentti83]

The winner of tonight’s debate? The fly on Pence’s head.#BidenHarris2020 #VPDebate2020 #ElectionDay #election #Debates2020 #fly

[Lauren Cupples @agentti83]

Me: Pence is like a Slytherin and Kamala’s like a Ravenclaw. What’s Trump, though!? He doesn’t really seem like any of them.

My Roomate: A squib.

#trump #Debates2020 #BidenHarris #PenceHarrisDebate #HarrisBiden2020 #Election2020 #harrypotter #Slytherin #Ravenclaw #hogwarts

[Lauren Cupples @agentti83]

One good thing about being 30-something is that I don’t know if I have enough childbearing years left to be a worthwhile investment as a Handmaid, so I feel good about my application to become a Martha. #HandmaidsTale #gilead #Debates2020 #handmaid

[Lauren Cupples @agentti83]

Just walked into a Staples. The cashier told me there was no need to get my ID out b/c “he could tell I was a teacher”
I didn’t really know what was happening until I looked at my receipt on the way home, but apparently “looking like a teacher” gets you 20% off. #Quarantine #Ink

[Lauren Cupples @agentti83]

I’m watching Chopped right now, and I just saw someone throw away half a Kaiser roll with cheese. Is there a job where I can just like sit in the floor and eat that shit?! #chopped #dumpster #Foodie #food #eating

[Mark Martinez @HandbookDating]

14 year old Dean finds out that he’s part Korean fox demon, magic is real, has to figure out what to make of his feelings for his best friend Matt, oh and by the way, stop the world from exploding (well technically imploding) #pitmad #YA #F #FTA #POC #OWN #LGBT #IRMC

[Lauren Cupples @agentti83]

I’m watching “Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban,” right now and I’m thinking, it’s probably so much easier to hide being a werewolf if you’re a girl.

“Hey guys, just heading up to Madame Pomfrey’s for that monthly endometriosis potion. Nothing to see here.” #HarryPotter

[Lauren Cupples @agentti83]

U know that awkward situation where u exit a building at the same time as someone u barely know, & you're trying to decide if u should keep pace with them & initiate conversation, or if u should start walking slower to give them their space?

Man, I miss that. #SocialDistancing

[Lauren Cupples @agentti83]

@merolladeville Welcome. I’ve been on for three days. I’ll teach you.

[Lauren Cupples @agentti83]

@dann_dunn Rude.

[Lauren Cupples @agentti83]

I keep getting spam mail from people claiming to be the 2020 Global Fashion Leadership Award, saying they want to “honor me” for my “contributions to fashion.”

WHAT CONTRIBUTIONS? I’ve been sitting here in my Target sweatpants for six weeks, and I can barely sew a button.

[Lauren Cupples @agentti83]

Now & then, when I hear that Duolingo chime, I’m motivated to practice my Spanish. Not because, ya know, it’s a good skill to have for any job in NYC...

But just in case I’m ever called upon to become an international spy and need to impress the recruiter with that 2nd language.

[Lauren Cupples @agentti83]

Looking to be the star of your own dystopian story? Go outside in your mask after eating dill pickle chips and forgetting to brush your teeth.

[Lauren Cupples @agentti83]

Put on real pants today. And by real pants, I mean my nicest leggings with the least stretched out waist. #QuarantineLife #Quarantine #WorkFromHome

[Lauren Cupples @agentti83]

As I reach level 400 of Soda Crush Saga, reflecting on all the saved bears, popped bottles, and spread jam, I am not sure whether to feel deep pride or deep shame. #Candycrush #sodacrush #addicted

[Lauren Cupples @agentti83]

Walked down to the water today and sat down to meditate. About 6 minutes into concentrating as my breath circled around my mask, I began to congratulate myself on being so zen. Just then, a child ran by screeching. I opened my eyes to see a pigeon pecking at a pile of shit. 😂

[Lauren Cupples @agentti83]

Just when you thought it couldn’t get trashier than Jessica this quarantine, Francesca comes along and tells everyone to hold her beer.
#TooHotToHandle