aidan

join me for Ham Wednesday | @nextweeknews on tiktok/instagram

[aidan @aidanisonline]

BREAKING: 2 dead but none killed in head-on hearse collision

[aidan @aidanisonline]

sorry kid, no names left on here. you want to be Platonic_Mustard? we’ve got Platonic_Mustard1 through 358 before you. anything you can dream has been dreamt before, many times over. you have no place here, kid.

[aidan @aidanisonline]

[screaming at an oafish labradoodle prancing jovially but aimlessly around the dog park that is not mine but whose name I have learned along with every other dog park regular from many, many days of spectating] THEODORE! LOCK IN, BOY! LOCK IN!!

[aidan @aidanisonline]

[eddie vedder voice] ohhhh eeeeeeeeeeeemaaaaaaaaaaaaaaail

[aidan @aidanisonline]

Had a very vivid dream last night that I tweeted this and it went major viral, had to fire it off immediately after waking up

[aidan @aidanisonline]

Do you think Sting would ever join the NBA? Would love to play as Sting in 2K @Sting @stingfan #StingNBA

[aidan @aidanisonline]

Do you think Sting would ever join the NBA? Would love to play as Sting in 2K @Sting @stingfan #StingNBA

[aidan @aidanisonline]

horizontal on the couch off 14 ferraro rochers doing math on my fingers and chuckling to myself a little when I make an oopsie

[aidan @aidanisonline]

bro your tones are looking hella earthen today

[aidan @aidanisonline]

Say what you want, but this administration was groundbreaking for Walking Around. Nobody did walking around and having their picture taken quite like them.

[Democrats @TheDemocrats]

President @JoeBiden, thank you for your lifetime of service, and for believing in the next generation of leadership in our country.

[aidan @aidanisonline]

The fact that TikTok can still open and display a pop up message gives me hope that my data is still being sent over 🙏🏼

[aidan @aidanisonline]

had a vision of a new premier league team called Provolone

[aidan @aidanisonline]

you can only call it garlic if it’s sourced from garlia, otherwise it’s just weird onion

[aidan @aidanisonline]

that one friend who’s constantly on 1 HP and screaming “MEDIC!”

[aidan @aidanisonline]

alternate version of the dixieland delight adlibs where Syracuse catches a stray

[aidan @aidanisonline]

11 is the baker’s dozen’t

[aidan @aidanisonline]

false senses of security lowkey feel pretty good

[aidan @aidanisonline]

but I’m a hoot
I’m a riot
who the hell let this guy in here?

[Next Week News @next_week_news]

new monologue-style segment

[aidan @aidanisonline]

The engagement farm accounts are onto me