aighead

Let pointless rock your sock. #itm

Sir aighead, Knight of the Long Shadows of Trash Mountain.

[aighead @aighead]

Word up, I'm starting to follow a bunch of folks I'd been following on my incognito account, but I'd like to change my main account to this one, which it should be, the other is for trollin'.

I'm sir aighead, if you're nasty. #itm

[aighead @aighead]

@DanaBrunetti Took me a second but very funny!

[Dana Brunetti 🏴‍☠️ @DanaBrunetti]

I think a prayer to Ganesh may be more helpful in this situation.

[Samurai Shiba @SamuraiShibaJP]

Every few weeks, my wife hands her high school English class in Tokyo a question about America. And I lose an evening.

This month's prompt:

"You get an American grandpa for one day. What do you do together?"

Some context. Japanese grandfathers are quiet. They watch sumo. They say "mm." They love you very much, and they would rather die than say so.

Her students had clearly been studying American grandpas. Closely. On TV.

"Ride in his truck with the windows down. He drives with one hand and waves at everybody with the other. He knows everybody. Even the cows."

"He calls me 'sport.' I am not sporty. He does not care."

"We go fishing at 5 a.m. We catch nothing. On the way home, we stop for pie, and he tells Grandma we caught one this big." (The student drew the arms.)

"He tells the waitress the same joke every time. She laughs every time. They have been doing this since 1994."

"He has a story for every scar. Some of the stories are true."

"He falls asleep in church and still says 'Amen' perfectly on time."

"He says, 'I'm not hungry.' Then he eats every fry on my plate. One at a time. Looking me in the eye."

My wife laughed until she had to set the whole stack on the floor.

Then she got to Kotone's.

Kotone is 16. She is the quietest student in the class. Her grandfather died last spring. Since the funeral, nobody in her house has said his name. In Japan, that's how a family is kind to each other. You don't bring up the sad thing.

Her answer was one paragraph.

"I would ask my American grandpa to tell funny stories about my grandpa. In American movies, at the funeral, people stand up and tell funny stories about the person who died. Everybody laughs. Then they cry. Then they laugh again. Nobody in my family laughs about my grandpa anymore. I miss laughing about him."

My wife asked if she could read it to the class. Kotone nodded.

When she finished, nobody moved.

Then, from the back row, a boy's hand went up. "My grandpa once got stuck in a convenience store door for twenty minutes because he refused to ask for help. Afterward, he told everyone the door started it."

Everybody laughed. Even Kotone.

Then a girl: "My grandmother hid candy in every coat she owned. We are still finding it. Last week my dad found one and cried, and then he ate it."

Then a boy who never talks in class: "My grandpa pretended to be asleep every time my grandma asked him to do something. Fifty-one years. At his funeral, she leaned over the coffin and whispered, 'Nice try.'"

The whole class lost it. Half of them were crying. Nobody could tell which half.

Then another. And another.

Until the bell, thirty Japanese teenagers held an American-style funeral for every grandparent they had ever lost.

Kotone laughed until she cried. Then she laughed again.

At the end, my wife asked her why she'd needed an American grandpa for that.

Kotone thought about it.

"Because in America, you don't stop being somebody's grandpa just because you died."

That night, Kotone's mother called my wife.

At dinner, Kotone had said her grandfather's name. Out loud. Nobody had, since spring. Then she told the story of how he sang Elvis in the bath every night. Terribly. Always the same song. Always the wrong words. He never once set foot in America. He did the hip thing anyway, and the whole house could hear the water sloshing.

Her mother laughed. Then she cried. Then she laughed again.

Just like the movies.

America, to every grandpa reading this: keep telling the same joke to the waitress. Keep the scars interesting. Keep lying about the fish.

There's a classroom in Tokyo learning how to remember people from you.

[@jason @Jason]

As I’ve said on the podcast, one you pass a certain income level inflation means absolutely nothing to you.

I noticed when my strip steaks went from $60 to $80 to $120 — but it had zero impact on my behavior

I have friends who haven’t flown commercial or been to a supermarket since 2000… they don’t understand what persistent 3-5% inflation has had on half the country

[b. @oc3ansluut]

if these country roads dont take me home to the place i belong bro i swear to god

[Fantasy Jeanyus @FantasyJeanyus]

Microsoft Outlook

[aighead @aighead]

Your end of show music of the old school party lines is lovely. @Partyline_show

[aighead @aighead]

I totally agree on the human voice over Ai jingle @johnsdvorak ep. 2 @Partyline_show

[aighead @aighead]

@DanaBrunetti @zimm3rmann @blos_jo @scanningpod @DewsNewz Haha, she, and yeah, one million carrots a day! Your response is funnier than you know. Hahahha

[aighead @aighead]

I just found the credit roll on @scanningpod nice touch @zimm3rmann

@DewsNewz @DanaBrunetti

I've already donated more money than I can afford!

[aighead @aighead]

@zimm3rmann @blos_jo @scanningpod @DewsNewz @DanaBrunetti Really, I'm just giving you guys shit.

I hope we are all living as beautifully as I am. I'm happy to support something I enjoy.

Here's my dog

[aighead @aighead]

@zimm3rmann @blos_jo @scanningpod @DewsNewz @DanaBrunetti Hahaha

[aighead @aighead]

@zimm3rmann @blos_jo @scanningpod @DewsNewz @DanaBrunetti Kickass

[aighead @aighead]

@scanningpod You guys, @DanaBrunetti and @DewsNewz have interesting lives, that's all it takes.

I like that donators are mentioned. The notes are crazy.

This note has run off the bourbon filled rails. I'm sorry. I lost my train of thought.

[aighead @aighead]

Spamming @scanningpod

You're allowed to not read donation notes. I encourage it!

It's really lovely that people give value. Really lovely.

That being said, it takes so much time. I'd rather hear you blather about the boring things you guys are doing.

I like news stuff but 1/2

[aighead @aighead]

@DanaBrunetti @scanningpod @zimm3rmann @DewsNewz Shit, and a dude that hangs with AJ.

@DewsNewz

[aighead @aighead]

@DanaBrunetti @scanningpod @zimm3rmann @DewsNewz Hahahha, supporting a dude that has 34 more acres than me, a sweet ass fire truck, and is basically retired. Good stuff!

[Scanning Podcast @scanningpod]

@aighead @zimm3rmann @DewsNewz @DanaBrunetti Did you see these yet? 😁

We appreciate you!

[aighead @aighead]

It sounds like egghead. Catching up, ep. 2

@scanningpod

[aighead @aighead]

@scanningpod Dewsletter is funny