Mmm.. my mental health really took a dip last week. I feel like a glitching device. I feel so many emotions and I cant shut it all off. Im beginning to resent people in general. I think I need a break off social media first.
If you want to change, you have to become conscious of your unconscious patterns. You have to catch yourself in the act of being the old self. And then you have to choose differently. Not once. A thousand times. Until the new choice becomes the new default.
saw this one du’a on tiktok that made me bawled my eyes out. it says,
"Ya Allah, make it happen in such an impossible way that I know it could only be from You. You are Al-Fattah, The Opener, so open doors for me that no one can shut. You are Ar-Razzaq,
you bloom where you are loved, and that is why you need to learn how to move on, to walk away from suffocating spaces where you can no longer stretch your limbs out. to live well, you have to learn how to leave.
one of the main reasons i’m so gentle with myself is cause i believe i’ve already experienced enough hardship in my life. i’ve already been mishandled and undervalued by others and myself at times. so i deserve more patience, forgiveness, and consideration at this point.
I cannot live loving myself. I need to live loving someone else. I don't love myself enough to make myself happy. But I can make someone happy loving them.
This paragraph by Haruki Murakami hits very hard:
“Once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.”