only continuous thinking and action can suppress my growing nihilistic and suicidal thought.
i do not want to submit to my past trauma
that's why im still here
i just explained the full chain the reasoning on why sednoids likely originated from the outer planetesimal disk beyond neptune but not the jupiter-saturn region in my dream like what the actual hell
i didn't realize how natural celestial mechanics is to me compared to others ... even for senior people in the field, they constantly made up shit that doesn't make any fucking sense in dynamics, yet somehow they're very confident they're correct
my procreate be like:
1 sketch explaining the cat boy whaling system to chat
1 sketch of anime boy drawing
1 sketch of subaru telescope pointings design
my research has finally entered the stage of “you need to update the citation numbers on your cv right before the submission deadline otherwise you’re underreporting”
i miss my phd supervisor, he is such a nice mentor. not only did he respect all my choices in terms of research directions, he also treated me so well personally, in some sense he cared more about my future than my own father did.
when i saw him aging from zoom, my heart ached
@lyrratic , it’s like my current self was really rebuilt after 2016. i dont to what extent it was influenced by the game, and there could be some observation bias since i started my journey of learning western internet culture since 2016.
@lyrratic i’m curious to learn what is the definition of ego death? 2016 is the year i first played undertale. upon finishing the game, for the first time in my life, i felt a huge sense of loss which i don’t know how to reconcile… i barely remember my worldview prior to 2016 it’s like…