AJ

give me what i want and leave me alone

[Anderz @Anderzin0]

Old black man standing behind me at the gas station let out a sigh and said "these folks need to hurry up, I gotta go get my peter sucked on." I let him go ahead of me.

[Danno Cal @Danno_Cal]

Watching a behind the scenes video on making monsters inc and wow what a transition

[Anderz @Anderzin0]

I was 69ing with a girl once, and I squeezed my arms around her abdomen a little too tightly. She blasted a fart straight down my throat, and time stopped.

[critter @BecomingCritter]

here's my vanilla take:

I decide what we do for dinner. You can veto it, but then you have to figure it out. You don't get 23 vetos, you get 1, and then it's up to you.

"But what if you don't like my choice?" I am a man I will eat cooked ground beef with a spoon

[🫪xǝlɐ @laundryy_dj]

modern classic

[Leaf🍃 @Leafions]

daft punk when I tickle their balls

[Justin🦩Boldaji @justinboldaji]

Telling everyone how impressive my first gay bareback orgy was

[すけちゃん @AgingAnarchist]

すし職人の頃ウェイトレスがお尻を突き出しながら伝票を書いてたのでガン見していたら、急に振り返って僕を睨みつけ、”Do you like my ass?“と聞いてきた。ヤバいと思いつつも正直に“Yes, I do”と答えたら“Thanks💕”と上機嫌だった。これは若き日のジョージ・ワシントンが桜の木を切った話と似ている。

[Kummkopf @kummkopf]

oim abouta sneak up on this crocAdillian ta see if I can determine its gendah. Ya gotta feel a crocs bits frum insoide tha rectum so wish me luck

AH CRIKEY

FACK

HOLD STILL YA CUNT
AH
COUGH FO ME YA FACK WIT

ROIGHT UP THA BUM

NOICE COCK MATE

Male alroight, He's a real beauty

[Gabriel @gbrl_dick]

how to digest burrito. digest burrito fast. will i explode at 30,000ft from burrito. carnitas bryan johnson. cure burrito fast. carnitas = how many cigarettes. mexican folk remedy for burrito poisoning. digest better lying or standing. best laxatives. best laxatives for mexicans

[UAE Exotic Falconry & Finance @FalconryFinance]

the shape store

[kevin meissner @pwnkip]

for years, society was limited to only 16 syrup squares per waffle but with recent combinatorial optimization breakthroughs our research department has achieved previously unheard of densities of waffle syrup

[Alex @sanpellyenjoyer]

Nuke every visa. Make EBT harder to qualify for. Reduce VA disability checks. Cut income tax. Ban investment firms from buying up family housing. Send all the brown people back. Repeal women’s voting rights. Create a firewall around the US internet. Bomb Israel. Hang politicians and tech execs publicly in Minecraft of course. It could all be so simple.

[Marcus PorkChop Beckham Jr. @bigmarcusbbq]

My plans for this snowstorm include watching my DoorDasher hydroplane into a telephone pole then calling ice instead of an ambulance

[BASED SAVAGE @crackcobain__]

Carson Beck wit the game on line threw a doritos locos taco

[🕊️ @lichthauch]

The father of seven has not finished a thought in four years. he is just moving. feeding. driving. wiping. his brain is soup and his back is finished and he has no opinions about civilization he is too tired for opinions. and meanwhile civilization is growing out of him like he is dirt and he doesnt even notice because there is milk on the floor again. the childfree man has read eleven books this year about the decline of the west and he is the decline and the books are the evidence and he will understand this at fifty eight in a room that is very clean and very quiet

[HowlingMutant @Howlingmutant0]

Having our boss give us some dumb order at work and when his back is turned making the “jerk off motion” to my coworker but accidentally giving myself away by making short jabbing motions with my thumb and my forefinger

[AI Slop @AIslop_]

Pope Sosa