Ashley

⭐️✨

[Alex V! @Al_Vande]

*blasts "Money" by Cardi B while driving up to my job that pays be barely enough to live*

[Mary @MaryDelmore1]

@VolsforImpact Intergenerational learning technology in action! Mentoring Mary, is @ajschmidt9 😊

[Bob Vulfov @bobvulfov]

ME: sit
DOG: [sits]
ME: good boy. roll over
DOG: [rolls over]
ME: good. now speak
DOG: [clears his throat] time is the fire in which we all burn
ME: bad dog. very bad

[Bob Vulfov @bobvulfov]

[detective inspecting my body at the bottom of the grand canyon] looks like the victim was tweeting "more like the bland canyon" and fell in

[Bob Vulfov @bobvulfov]

[i see a rat scurry across the floor at a restaurant]
WAITER: oh god sir i am so sorry i will get rid of him immed-
ME: no. let the rat cook

[Bob Vulfov @bobvulfov]

[barber shows me the back of my haircut with a mirror]
ME: hm i don't love it. can u make it longer

[UCF @UCF]

Saddened by the news in Manchester tonight. Sending our thoughts and prayers to all affected 💛🖤 #Manchester

[Jeep @Jeep]

The perfect Wrangler for the beach. 📸 : Bethany J.

[Ben Phillips @benphillips76]

The best news story today is this little girl called Anu showing her friends her new foot. Watch.

[Drew Gooden @drewisgooden]

Feels good to be all done with finals! I haven't taken a final in like 3 years but it still feels good

[Dave Itzkoff @ditzkoff]

I tweeted this in July 2015, btw https://t.co/9bS9SKyocP

[Slim @Humble_Slim]

After sex and she just throws your romper over to you and says "your uber here" https://t.co/PCUsyXQaeD

[Matt Bellassai @MattBellassai]

the replies to trump tweets make it all worth it