Manda Panda Pants

[Manda Panda Pants @ajthebookworm]

#votebear #puppybowl2018

[Manda Panda Pants @ajthebookworm]

🚨 THIS IS NOT A DRILL 🚨 https://t.co/eudZnjsZ0s

[SB Nation @SBNation]

SLOTH REF 😭 #PuppyBowl

[Mark Hamill @MarkHamill]

While away for 1 week in exotic Shanghai...
Trolls continued to hate-tweet in hopes that I'd cry.
Their goal to wound deeply's politically-driven.
I laugh 'em ALL off...
Call me #LukeNoFsGiven
#HappyHolidaysToALLMyLoversANDHaters ❤️'s AND 😡's
🎅

[Manda Panda Pants @ajthebookworm]

@mishiemish21 @elvisduran When my grandfather came over for Easter and was touring our new house he made a comment about our bedroom set saying that it’s good we had a sturdy base board on the bed cause sometimes you need “a pushing off point” 😫

[Mark Hamill @MarkHamill]

Don't you have a day job? #PissPoorPresidentialPriorities https://t.co/cE5Be3KBfT

[juan @juanbuis]

can someone explain why japanese game show 'slippery stairs' hasn't made its way to our part of the world yet

[James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn]

3-year-old: *offers me a teddy bear*

Me: That's okay. I don't need him.

3: He eats the shadow people.

Me: *takes the teddy bear*

[Manda Panda Pants @ajthebookworm]

@JamesRoday Please! #PsychTheMovie #ChicagoIL

[James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn]

Me: *spends 10 minutes Googling a meme I don't understand*

Wife: What did you learn?

Me: I'm old.

[God @TheTweetOfGod]

I’ve run out of special places in hell.

[Manda Panda Pants @ajthebookworm]

Son: What is it called...

Me on the toilet: When you interrupt your mother while she's going to the bathroom? Suicide.

[Manda Panda Pants @ajthebookworm]

So disappointed in my venti @Starbucks latte today 😭 I got a big one because I def needed it today, only to open it up to find it 3/4 full☹️

[Giuly @Princessofwifi]

1980:I bet there will be flying cars in the future

2017:

[City of Houston @HoustonTX]

We will not ask for immigration status or papers from anyone at any shelter. This rumor is FALSE!

[Manda Panda Pants @ajthebookworm]

@pauljdavid1 https://t.co/QjSIAwC0la

[James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn]

I'm taking bets on the big fight this weekend.

Not McGregor versus Mayweather.

My wife and I are picking out paint colors.

[Manda Panda Pants @ajthebookworm]

If anyone wants to bring me a cheeseburger to finish my birthday right, I'm not gonna say no

[Manda Panda Pants @ajthebookworm]

I'm a talented chef, but I still haven't mastered how to make a grilled cheese without any bread in the house...I am disappointed in myself

[The American Club @TheAmericanClub]

From a Fireside Feast to a Wine Harvest Dinner, our Chef's Table Dinner Series has a 3-course dinner just for you. https://t.co/RSjas0cPF3