Me: But it’ll be easier this time around. We’ve done this before.
Noah: Yeah, but now we’re playing on New Game Plus. We get to carry over our items from the first play through but it’s harder because now there’s two of them.
Why do eye doctors get irritated with you for wincing when they’re doing literally the most invasive stuff to your eyes? “Why did you pull away?.” Oh sorr, I must just be super sensitive to you shooting air into my eyes and sticking a dye strip directly onto my eyeball.
I try not to play Dead Space around Julian since it’s kind of violent, but he’s caught a few moments here and there and now he asks to play “The Monster Game”, where the point is for him to yell when he sees a necromorph “Hey monster! Get outta there! You don’t scare me!”
Me: Hey, what do you think of this shirt? It’s yellow and striped so not my usual style.
Noah: You look like a bee.
Me: I’m going to get a second opinion. What do you think, Julian?
Julian: Mama make honey.
Me, getting into urban foraging: One of our neighbors has an eastern pine tree that can be fermented into a citrus-y soda, but I’m not sure how to ask them if I can snip off some needles.
Noah: “Just let me lick your tree!!”
Sprinkles are an underrated parenting tool. Refusing to eat the peanut butter sandwich? Pour some sprinkles on it. Yogurt? Rainbow sprinkles. Fruit? More sprinkles.
Me: How did the bath go?
Noah: I was so exasperated by his screaming that I played him Gwar’s “Ham on the bone” and told him “You hear this? You sound like this.”
Me: How did he react to that?
Julian: More Gwar! More ham on the bone!
Noah: Yeah it wasn’t the reaction I expected.
Me: I wish Julian’s dentist saw adults. That place is great.
Noah: “Good job, Jessica! Would you like to choose a crystal out of the basket to take home with you for being so brave today?”
Julian, the king of power moves.
Abuelo: Wow, are you eating cookies? Can I have one?
Julian: No!!!
Proceeds to toss one of his cookies to the dog while not breaking eye contact with Abuelo.
Julian, requesting I play him a song: Flock of seagulls!! Flock of seaaaagulls!!
Me, unaware up until this point that he knew of this band: I’m assuming this was Dada’s influence?
Julian toddles up to my glass of water that was sitting on the coffee table and he drops the toy tongs he was holding right into the glass.
Me: 😕
Noah: You don’t need to use a power move on Mama. Everybody already knows you’re at the top of the food chain.