🍀

your name, forever the name on my lips

[🍀 @akratatat]

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　＼二つ

[🍀 @akratatat]

haven't had a chance to post on the 24th, but happy 40th! it's officially a year since everything. i wonder how it will go from here.

i firmly think i won't have interest in anyone and keep on doing this. loving you is what i'm best at. no one else comes close. i miss you.

[🍀 @akratatat]

i can slowly breathe through a small hole that i forced open so i can live longer and care for you for the rest of mine.

merry christmas & i wish you a very new year ahead. i'll still answer. i miss you!! x

[🍀 @akratatat]

it shocks me how gentle this 39th came in. maybe because i was busy recently, but still, i can feel it kick in.

last month of the year you loved me in. i hope you have gone far from me, because i'm pretty damn sure i'll do this same run in 2026.

[🍀 @akratatat]

i wish it will also be gentle and warm rather than how it tears me up every time a memory of you & us emits. i wish to love you for longer than i can, and i'll do my best to fulfill the task.

[🍀 @akratatat]

🍀

[🍀 @akratatat]

i may have not loved you right, but i swear, i loved you with all my might. sincerely.

im so sorry if that was all i got. i can do so much more. we felt it.

i wish im the last one to hurt u so u wont feel that anymore. & i hope i get a chance to love you right again this time.

[🍀 @akratatat]

it's the first day of the last month before everything went wrong last year.

a year ago, we loved each other comfortably and seen a future together.

a year will pass and a lot have changed; at least for you.

one more month, and that will be the last time when you've loved me.

[🍀 @akratatat]

i hope one day i can look forward to another day and not focus to survive another hour.

i hope you reach the peak of your peak and look down to me from there, and i'll look up to you all the time.

i wish you all the best kate. i love you so much. now and forever. always. xx

[🍀 @akratatat]

i miss you so bad, even when i'm not thinking of you. when i see cats, my hirono, funny memes, my wallet, etc.

i thought i couldn't send another msg to u that's why i used our pinned convo as notes, but it was actually sent, and im so sorry for that. i didnt mean to. i love you!

[🍀 @akratatat]

hello. happy 38th!! this month showed me the distance between us. i hope you become safe from calamities, accidents, and crimes.

i hope you live peacefully and design your own room as you always liked them. i'm so proud of you, mahal. everytime. i miss you & i love you. forever.

[🍀 @akratatat]

i need to go to moa but i don't know how. then i remember, i always need you when commuting at trains, buses, etc.

i relied on you so much that my mind is just blank and living in the moment because you're holding my hand while we sit in crowds.

i feel safe & home in you.

[🍀 @akratatat]

it got extra heavy then i looked at the date. well, reasonable; it will be the 24th again.

i guess my journal will take everything from my confused and grieving heart again. poor notes

[🍀 @akratatat]

sike, the memories kicks in. i saw the last 3 birthdays of you and were together there. im so glad i spent your 3 birthdays with you.

i love you so much, forever and ever. ill love you more than anyone else could, not even you.

here are the photographs i have on your birthdays!

[🍀 @akratatat]

happiest birthday, mahal. my gift is to leave and let you blossom in places i could never been. i hope you love life & yourself every year, so i can love you for the rest of mine.

i don't want to write long, i've spent 3 hours on my journal already.

i miss you so much!! ❤️‍🩹🎂

[🍀 @akratatat]

body frail, mind weak, soul broken, journal busy again.

god help me fight the battle in my head, i don't want to lose just to confirm that we really lost it all.