Apa sebenarnya yang dikejar? Apakah layak dikejar? Mencoba mengenali lagi makna dari hal-hal kecil yang selama ini hilang dalam rutinitas. Mungkin, dengan belajar kembali berkenalan, sedikit demi sedikit jawaban atas pertanyaan itu akan muncul.
It's a set of mixed feeling on facing the revert reality that how bullying their ally is quiet become a new culture; in which this is sort of almost toxic environment.
Often I feel like the more I dive the more I don't know. What I know and understand at the surface has very different point of view if I take a deeper look at from the bottom. At the end, I'm just drowing alone since I'm diving solo.
Remember vividly my previous team member said this to me "At least, I try to give people the reaction as if everyday is their birthday and each day is special day. Life will never be that boring. Making somebody happy is making me happy too. So, everyday I'm happy."
Having team members that stick with you, willing to learn through ups and downs (knowing that this is not going to be easy team to be part of and we're living in a such toxic political work ecosystem); is such a blessing.
Felling kinda guilty for being unable to deliever better, faster, more efficient, more effective result. Is being "human" the only thing considered as weakness? An excuse?
Help yourself by helping others although it's impossible to do such idealism for helping almost everyone. At least, for me, it prevent the bad feeling / guilty for not trying to help them. Again, at bar minimum, always do your best, everytime you do so.