alana kelley

Logician / Romanticism / Environmentalism / Alt Poetry / Structured Magic

[alana kelley @alanamkelley]

@rudy_mustang I keep him straight jacketed 24/7

[alana kelley @alanamkelley]

@MiamiDolphins suck @ sucking dick. They’re all teeth and no lips

[alana kelley @alanamkelley]

@MiamiDolphins suck @ sucking dick. They’re all teeth and no lips.

[alana kelley @alanamkelley]

I thought “FTW” stood for Fuck The What until I was like 22

[alana kelley @alanamkelley]

@BuffaloBills @JoshAllenQB

[broccoli rabe thomas @freshseasalt]

📷 @alanamkelley

[alana kelley @alanamkelley]

Ba-Donkey Kong

[Mark Poloncarz @markpoloncarz]

Reminder to all employers: if your business is in a driving ban area or your employees are located in a driving ban area, it is illegal to make them come into work.

[nutter butter @NutterButter]

god gives his nuttiest battles to his butteriest soldiers

[alana kelley @alanamkelley]

I wounded if anyone at the gym can tell I just ate an entire Lloyd’s burrito

[alana kelley @alanamkelley]

Whose decision was it to name the hurricane Nicole

[alana kelley @alanamkelley]

Be nice to Siri

[alana kelley @alanamkelley]

Me; now a homeowner in the rural outskirts of suburbia

[alana kelley @alanamkelley]

Anyone else used to iron the money they got for their birthdays or was is just me

[alana kelley @alanamkelley]

135 of you liked my selfie but only 10 liked the video of my chickens what gives??

[nutter butter @NutterButter]

jelly, but make it peanut butter

[alana kelley @alanamkelley]

Hey Siri…can you feed chickens sour patch kids?

[rachelle @rchlltrmn]

you have the right not to fuck with people who repeatedly let you down lol it’s not complicated

[alana kelley @alanamkelley]

@markwahlberg is leading the @Eagles in this game against Dallas

[alana kelley @alanamkelley]

Yeah Christopher Columbus was bad…. we get it.

[alana kelley @alanamkelley]

My niece: Happy Birthday!
Me: Ty. I’m old AF.
My niece: Not as old as my mom

[alana kelley @alanamkelley]

Blood, sweat, & no tears