Anna mama

Mama, artistic soul, love my family and love to scribble, draw, paint and basically anything arty... follow me for some cool art!

[Anna mama @alasmum]

Why Black Hole Environments Are a Lot More Complicated Than We Thought https://t.co/rrk40HWDO7 via @YouTube

[Anna mama @alasmum]

Or maybe I’m just an ungrateful cow who deserves to die...

[Anna mama @alasmum]

Maybe I just cannot be with him any more...? I cannot understand how I can feel like this about a person I love so much? Why can’t I just be happy? Why can’t I just not be depressed? Why can’t I be happy?

[Anna mama @alasmum]

And he always told me he’ll be happy when... first when we pay off our debts, then when he leaves this job, when he ends this job, when we pay of the holiday, when he finishes work... always later...never now

[Anna mama @alasmum]

I’m so profoundly tired. I fought abuse, depression (most of my adult life), lost babies, diseases... haven’t had a stretch we’re nothing bad happened. I just want to be left alone. Just leave me be. I just want to suffer alone.... #lifesucks

[Anna mama @alasmum]

I hate weekends! I hate them. Cause we don’t work. I have whole two days to endure a series of predecided for me steps that MUST be done cause he decided so. Like I have to perform to be a good wife and mother and daughter and neighbour...

[Anna mama @alasmum]

I feel like I’m in prison. Like I’m being watched for signs of happiness. Like he always pressures me to be happy. I don’t know how to be happy anymore. I don’t look forward to Christmas or anything else for that matter.

[Anna mama @alasmum]

I have dreams that he is angry at me. Every night. I missed the nights I dreamt about being hurt by strangers or eaten by dinosaurs. Those were happy dreams

[Anna mama @alasmum]

I used to want to make him happy. Then I realised that is impossible. He will always have something to be grumpy about. He’ll Find something. He always does. That’s him. To others he is always happy and smiley. To me it depends. To often he is angry at me

[Anna mama @alasmum]

I want this pain to end. Tomorrow I just get up, go to work, come home and do it all over again. Pretend to be so happy in between. Always be nice to everyone. Never lead on that I’m constantly haunted by images of a cold blade slicing my veins.

[Anna mama @alasmum]

I cannot connect with him. Haven’t been able for a long time. He is always grumpy or sad too. I would have given him all the stars and the moon too but he never seen that. Now I just want to die. That’s all

[Anna mama @alasmum]

I don’t care if anyone reads this. I don’t care if I die anymore. I fight ONLY for Ala today. Just for her. She doesn’t deserve this. Not for her I’d long had given up.

[Anna mama @alasmum]

I’m angry cause I lost friends by their own hand. I’m angry cause I fight so hard and he doesn’t see it and gives me a lecture about giving up! I have fought so hard. So so hard! I have this my all.

[Anna mama @alasmum]

Has life always been so cruel? Or is it just me? I feel like I have carried so much pain around that by now I can hardly feel anything but it. I can feel nothing but profound sadness and anger...

[Anna mama @alasmum]

I would do almost anything for this pain to end...

[Anna mama @alasmum]

I feel guilty for just thinking this but I don’t know how I can make this work... I am profoundly unhappy and beyond depressed. I feel like a prisoner tied up with a wire that is now cut through my skin and is digging into my flesh..

[Anna mama @alasmum]

Don’t have anyone to cry to that would understand... I feel sad and lonely... so so lonely... and I cannot spend another second with him cause he is crushing me, he is suffocating me... how can I survive this?

[Anna mama @alasmum]

How do people do this...? How do you fight if all you want to do is give up...? I don’t want to die but I am to tired to go on living... I feel so crushed under all the guilt I can no longer go on...

[Anna mama @alasmum]

Life really sucks today....

[Anna mama @alasmum]

I haven’t really been on social media much these past few... months I guess... haven’t been well at all. Fighting the most debilitating depression this far. Have to actively fight urge to end myself... sorry had to vent somewhere...