Mallory

You can always paint the roses red.

[Mallory @alayne_mal]

@NoahKahan YES, PLEASE 😭😭😭

[Mallory @alayne_mal]

@smashleyday @erastourticks Won’t even let me back into the queue. Just says “tickets are not available online”

[Mallory @alayne_mal]

@sam_fury I don’t know, seems like it worked out okay.

[Mallory @alayne_mal]

Someone is having the time of their life at the @griffinshockey game. #GoGRG #dirtythirty #thirtyflirtyandthriving

[Mallory @alayne_mal]

Or, like, just a hockey puck. Just throw it on over. 🏒🥅

[Mallory @alayne_mal]

Hey, @griffinshockey! Section 121 Row D, seat 8…it’s her 30th birthday and she *really* wants a Zamboni ride.

[Mallory @alayne_mal]

We’re barely one month into official winter and @redbull is already done distributing the winter edition. This is an outrage. And a scandal.

[Mallory @alayne_mal]

Wearing patchouli on an airplane should be illegal.

[Alyssa Leader @alittleleader]

What is Biden’s plan to fix the Taylor Swift presale?

[aubs @ilydarth]

tbh if i were in star wars and wasn't strong in the force i'd be so bitter

[Mallory @alayne_mal]

How much do we think @potterybarn paid for this episode of Friends, though?

[Mallory @alayne_mal]

Twitter *really* doesn’t want me to miss these four tweets from you, @alanthomasgreen

[MSP Sixth District @mspwestmi]

The Michigan State Police Wayland Post is investigating a missing person: LOGAN THAYER SWEET, white male, approximately 6’ tall, 240 lbs., brown hair and green eyes was last seen on July 24, 2022, in Grand Rapids at a concert at The Listening Room. Sweet was last seen driving 1/2

[Mallory @alayne_mal]

I resent how excited I am to find gas for $4.29/gallon.

[Mallory @alayne_mal]

The neighborhood is out here wishing you all a happy 10th of July. 🧨

[Mallory @alayne_mal]

I know Peter Pan and Skippy really thought it was their time to shine, but I’d rather take my chances on my ✨potentially✨ contaminated jar of @Jif than risk the disappointment at the bottom of those jars.

[Mallory @alayne_mal]

I didn’t think I could love @RealHughJackman more; but then I just witnessed him in #TheMusicMan 🎺🥁

[Mallory @alayne_mal]

😂💀

[Mallory @alayne_mal]

@afrorocketeer I realized that about a year ago and life hasn’t been the same since.

[Mallory @alayne_mal]

Workout playlist?

Nah, I just play the @NEEDTOBREATHE live album so I can pretend I’m at a concert and not the gym. It makes the suffering easier.