Alessia

Just smile and wave boys. (S)he’s an ideas man, Steve(ia). Co-founder of Cunny™️

[Alessia @alessiawrites_]

I can now walk into a sex shop with friends without cringing hard. Don’t tell me I’m not levelling up

[Alessia @alessiawrites_]

Do you have to lock my phone when you pass it back? I hate when people do that. Like you don’t know what I want next

[Alessia @alessiawrites_]

With each day that passes, more lives are lost, and the humanitarian catastrophe worsens in #Gaza if the violence doesn’t stop. Sign our petition to demand a #CeasefireNOW https://t.co/Xp8DG2CvDQ

[Alessia @alessiawrites_]

@EYMNI7 Dude these were everyday 90s PSA commercials in Australia like I can pinpoint these to the exact time in my life when my anxiety started 💀

[Alessia @alessiawrites_]

💁🏼‍♀️💁🏼‍♀️💁🏼‍♀️

[Alessia @alessiawrites_]

If Americans are the inventors of anything, it’s “the crunch”. They even have crunchy bacon in a bottle.

[Alessia @alessiawrites_]

Downtown, and some guy in front of me walks past the Benjamin Franklin statue, points up to it and says “a liar and a thief. He’s a liar and a thief, Benjamin Franklin”. Thank you for your service sir 🫡 where’s your Venmo

[Alessia @alessiawrites_]

We should be able to “pin” messages that our friends who go on messenger like once a week need to read down from so they can catch up on all the random thoughts and videos we’ve been yeeting at them in a one-sided conversation…

[Alessia @alessiawrites_]

No. I do not want to GRW you. I want to stay in bed.

[Alessia @alessiawrites_]

Shows are for weekdays.
Movies are for weekends.
I’m right.

[Alessia @alessiawrites_]

@AymericLL 😂

[Alessia @alessiawrites_]

I had a sip of my choc mint frappuccino in my mouth and my husband made me laugh and I snorted it and now my entire nasal cavity is spicy 💀

[Alessia @alessiawrites_]

If Benito ends up on an episode of KUWTK I will throw my phone into the fucking Hudson

[Alessia @alessiawrites_]

Might as well let the robots take over, I was just greeted with “thank you for your PATIENCE. We’ll be right with you!” by a human being. In a store.

[Alessia @alessiawrites_]

Karl Lagerfeld dressed like a murder for hire wtf does he know about not wearing pink

[Alessia @alessiawrites_]

@JuanchoS 😂 phew

[Alessia @alessiawrites_]

Why is everyone mad at me this year 💀

[Alessia @alessiawrites_]

We should be able to @SoundHoundApp the @tiktok_us and @instagram reels songs that have been stuck in our heads for GODDAMN AGES 🥲 #collaborate #formysanity #itrademarkthisidea

[Alessia @alessiawrites_]

Trying to get my cats to get along better by showing them videos of big cats and domesticated cats getting along. If THEY can do it so can you 💅🏼

[Alessia @alessiawrites_]

Just ran for the train and think I’m gonna have a coronary. We don’t run for the train in New York. We POWER walk.