Alexis

You can do all things through Christ except try me

[taylor @wishescametrue]

you guys don't understand, i stood under the shower head & thought "last hair wash before ttpd" like it was simultaneously my wedding day & death sentence

[annie-mai @anniemaisocial]

“can you get this done by EOD?”

me after already deciding my working day was over:

[Lauren Lilly @lrockwell12]

My sister and I both had layovers in Dallas at the same time so we spent 30 minutes trying to meet up (I rode the entire Dallas tram circuit system, twice) and lo and behold…there are 2 very separate airports in Dallas haha

[not your lawyer @schizesq]

💞🎀 “memorandum in support of defendant’s motion to strike exhibits a-c of plaintiff’s reply to defendant’s opposition to plaintiff’s motion for summary judgment, and request for sanctions” ✨🌸💅🏼

[Emma Wiles @emmabwiles]

CVS is being sued for asking customers to donate to the American Diabetes Association when they check out. Those donations are in fact *not* sent to the ADA, but instead reimburse the CVS for a legally binding obligation of $10M that CVS promised earlier

https://t.co/t8IAiqyu43

[Kimberly Frederickson @keepingupwithkf]

Short kings only in the South apparently

[Matt Margolis @ItsMattsLaw]

lawyers will literally write 10 pages of footnotes instead of going to therapy

[clintoris @clintoris]

Blocking him isn’t enough I need to watch his hairline recede

[Alexis @AlexisLillypad]

Whenever I try to explain my hometown I exclusively refer to this feud

[Brandi 🌞 @UveBeenBRANDed]

do any of y'all here remember when I inadvertently started the hippies vs honkeys tiff in high school from a tweet about tractors in the parking lot lmao that was so messy, I think it scarred me.

[Dumpster Phoenix @TortiouslyYours]

When you have a “reasonable man” standard but have yet to meet a reasonable man

[Alexis @AlexisLillypad]

@gayqtip Still have astigmatism tho :/

[Alexis @AlexisLillypad]

If anyone asks why I’m single I will kindly point them to my date last night where the guy mansplained Buffalo Wild Wings to me 🙃

[Alexis @AlexisLillypad]

@bigmeek95 This isn’t even your joke

[Alexis @AlexisLillypad]

@KaitFunk I’m venmo requesting you for this lmao

[Angela 🦪 @lnthemood4Iove]

you know the more i think abt it “you’d make a great lawyer, youre argumentative” was kind of just being called a bitch at 12

[Chicago Cubs @Cubs]

Welcome home. #CubTogether

[Alexis @AlexisLillypad]

As it should be

[Alexis @AlexisLillypad]

@lrockwell12 Really sticking to your brand of “horse girl”, aren’t we?

[BGN Hoops @BGNHoops]

Females over 5’8 be talking about “I don’t have a man” that’s ok we in a 2-3 zone